'I'm the Best Gift Any Man Can Have' – Omotola Jolade-Ekeinde

Omotola (pix: Sola Osofisan)

Omosexy (as she is fondly called by her husband whom she has rechristened 'honeyboy') seems to be in a mood to chat. Like someone who had been bottled up for a while, she smiles warmly, exchanging banters as the tapes are rolled through an interview you'll find most revealing. As more and more guests linger in her little reception area, (some almost threatening to call the police if she didn't see them that minute), we trace the story of her life, probing without borders, digging deeper than a Julius Berger drill, and almost giving her goose pimples

From her days on Molue buses, where she preached regularly like a career Evangelist, to her alleged romance with impeached governor of Ekiti state, Ayo Fayose and the celebrated hostility with fellow movie star, Genevieve Nnaji, she speaks with AYENI ADEKUNLE until the tapes run out. Excerpts:

To start with, do you still find time to cook your hubby's meal?

I do all the time. I always cook in bulk if I am travelling. They bring it out and warm from the microwave. Even if I'm in the middle of a shoot, if I have to, I'll come back, especially if something urgent comes up. It hardly happens. Basically, I cook in large quantities. It's something I've trained myself to do. The only problem is NEPA. There are sometimes when there's no light or the generator is bad. Then they have to turn out stuff. I don't like de-frozen food.

Then sometimes you're both away at the same time?

I don't think it has happened more than once when we're both away. We don't both leave the house at the same time. We don't live our lives for duties. We work it out. He flies out of Nigeria all the time. He goes for a course every six months, when he goes I can't leave Lagos. Even if I'm working I can't leave Lagos and same for him too. If I'm out, he doesn't fly out of town

So your kids have never had to cope with a lot of absence?

Not necessarily, maybe they don't see us facially everyday, but they see us every night. And we try our best to keep Sundays free.

What's your ideal time with family?

It's difficult to tell. There are times he has to fly on Sunday. Or maybe I have a shoot that spills over. There are times when we can't manoeuvre.

Has marriage been fun?

It's been interesting, very very interesting. In marriage there's all put into one. There are times when you want to be free; there are times when you feel it's the best. There are times when you fight. Even with your parents it's the same. There are times when you want to be with them, there are times when you just want to get out. My marriage has been good. We are normal people. When I don't want to see him I do not see him. We give each other space. We don't choke each other. We fight, we play, we talk to each other. When we wanted to be married we decided to be natural. We don't lie to each other. If I goof I tell him.

But you were just 18 when you married how much did you know then?

At 18 I was wiser than lots of 20 -something year olds. What I'm living on now are legacies I set for myself when I was younger. I was in tune with God. I was an evangelist. I attended Solid Rock and I'm still in touch with my pastor. I used to evangelise on Molues. I'ld join a bus to Iyana Ipaja and back. I already knew who I wanted to be and all that

What happened to all that spirituality?

It's still there. You really can't do so many things anymore. I don't have time for prayer meetings anymore. I might not be doing all that but me and my family are still as strong as we used to be.

Looking back now, do you think you should have lived your life differently?

I don't think I had a choice in my life. My life has played out the way God don't wanted it. There are so many things I regret. That's the truth. Anything that happened in my life was meant to be. It's either made me wiser or something. Nothing in my life has been accidental. I am living my destiny, being who God wants me to be. But personally if it was left to me, I would have started music first. Because I didn't start with music, people are sceptical about accepting me as an artiste. I am even shocked that fans accepted my songs so soon. I was shocked at the acceptance of 'naija lowa'. Even in the north, they know the song. I'm happy everyone is talking about the music. It's because it's worth talking about. It makes me want to work harder. A lot of acts that even started with music didn't hit it with their first album. I am grateful for all I have achieved and I'm working harder. It's what I love.

Everyone that knew me first knew me with music. I just watched ne of Beyonce's documentaries when she was bringing out her B'day album and saw how she was rehearsing for six hours everyday.

So why did you part ways with your record label?

Sound Factory like so many other labels came out, and I think they had good ideas and a vision for what they wanted to do. When they came out with my album it was good for them, but there were so many things they were doing internally which weren't right. I heard about mismanagement and all that. I'm sure they can tell you more about that. I heard they fired a General Manager. They brought in new people by the time my album was coming out; I didn't even know what was happening. All the ideas that we played with when we met, they threw them away, they were selling the CD at a higher price, when they got angry they decided to even extend their anger to me. They told me to hands off the video I was shooting in Los Angeles and bungled it. They messed up a lot of things for me and it discouraged me a lot. Because I had it all planned before they came in, they enticed everyone with money and ran away. So I had to start from the scratch. I got fed up with the whole thing. But I'm a survivor. I don't give up. Like Aaliyah said; you dust yourself up and try again. After all the hard work I did, the tempo died but I'm not giving up. By the way, a video was shot by someone I don't know, for my song dance. I don't even know who shot it, there were times I cried, but I said to my God, if you said I should do it, then it'll work. With all the encouragements I've gotten, I decided to dust my self and forge ahead. The label still has my master CD. My lawyer has written them. They even still owe me, they owe me three-quarters of my money. My lawyer gave them a seven-day ultimatum to act up. They did not meet the ultimatum, so I believe my deal with them is off. My new video I shot is out already, and I'm taking it all by myself. Then after the videos, my new album will be coming out in 2008

Was it the marketers' ban that forced you into music in the first place?

No. I started recording in 2005. So it wasn't because I wanted something to do while the ban lasted. I have even spent a lot of money in music. I've invested more in my musical career. And I was busy, anyway.

Doing what?

I have businesses that I do. I have a foundation called YEP. I do supplies for people. I just opened an outfit in G.R.A. I have a resort somewhere that I do not talk about. My husband has his own businesses that I help him overlook too

What's it with your craze for Beyonce, and trying to be a diva?

I grow everyday. I'm actually growing into myself. I totally love Beyonce, just like I like Justin Timberlake. I totally love them both. I love Beyonce's music and her personality. I don't easily like things. I don't even know about the similarities between her and myself. But I won't deny her. I like her and I love her. I'm not trying to be like her. She's Beyonce and I'm Omotola. When you see me on stage, the fire I bring is from within. I write my own songs, people have just started giving me kudos for that. I'll even love for people to give me credit for that, because most singers don't write their own songs. I write from my heart. I feel my songs. It's an expression of what I felt when I was writing and recording those songs. So on stage I'm myself when I'm on stage, that's me and that's where I love to be. That's the truth. I hope to get better. I was recently listening to Janet Jackson's first album, I think mine is better. So I'm consoled.

You can't deny the fact that you're seen as a sex symbol?

I can't deny it. I've come to accept it. Few years back I was running away from it because I didn't want it to bring scandals, especially because I'm married. I've grown into it because people know the difference. They respect me and find me positive. I've heard kids call me Omosexy and their parents didn't tell them shut up. I was with the President Olusegun Obasanjo recently and he called me Omosexy and I was like, oh, that's cool. So you can be sexy and responsible. I hope I've changed something.

It's believed in some circles, especially the media, that you've had affairs...

For a twelve year career, talks like that must have come up maybe twice or thrice. Why did they come up at all, it's because of my age, if I was like Joke Silva's age, maybe it won't come up. That I've not even been linked with fellow actors, it shows you that when I'm working, I'm professional. In most cases I actually know these people they've accused me of dating. In the case of Ayo Fayose it was from an event we had in London. These things are sensational, some people just sit down and cook up stuff. They said another romp happened in London, I don't know, but the truth is that I thank my God that they always find out that these things are false and baseless, they realised there was nothing. I have no skeletons in my cupboard. I task the writers to investigate and get to the bottom of it. At times some people are even trying to spoil your name. I guess now, with time, I've been able to earn the trust of journalists, my fans and my family. I've passed that murky stage. And it's good to watch your steps. My husband understands. I am who I am. I don't hide. I am a very transparent person. I'm not a very political person. Unfortunately we're in a world where deceit is the order of the day. But I refuse to be that kind of person. He knows there's pressure on me. He knows about them and it's no problem for him. He knows when they call me. Most of them are his friends and they're my friends. He knows and he trusts me. The most important thing is to know who you are.

How do you cope with advances from men?

I don't have a quest for unnecessary riches. I am not a greedy person. I think most ladies that bow to pressures from men are greedy people. That's when somebody will entice you and you'll fall into a trap. When you start to worry about what people say, you'll get into trouble. Ladies these days are too driven. Not just about money, its about marriage too. They want to live up to society's expectation, you'll only be who you can be. I take my life a step at a time. You're alright. What my husband has to give me is sufficient for me. I don't try to live a false life. I'm not trying to impress nobody. It might take me 10 years, but I'll get there.

What's your relationship with your husband's family?

The truth of the matter is I have never, God in heaven is my witness, I have never had any fracas, not even argument with anyone from my husband's family, they even send me things they think are good for my jobs... My mother in-law stays in the US, she sends me jewellery. She's a very cosmopolitan woman, she's on top of trends. She sends me beads and all that. My father in-law is the one I'd expected would be worried, but he's not even bothered, he even harasses us for movies. So my in-laws are my fans. They're really great

Do you regret the role you played in the prostitute?

That's one of my first roles ever. I wished I'll redo that script again. I love challenging roles. I'm an actor to the depth of my soul especially the love scenes. I'll love if it could be done in a better, mature way. Movies like the Prostitute, Mortal Inheritance, they're classics. It's even my husband's best movies. I was hurt after the first one. I didn't like the promo and it wasn't done with my consent, especially after I just had a baby and just lost my mom so for the part 2, negotiations broke down.

Most men want to be in your husband's shoes. Some say they don't envy him. Do you think he's lucky or unlucky to be your husband?

You answer that for yourself. I'll leave people to answer that. But if we've been married since 1996 and we are getting stronger, I don't think he has problems. It takes a real man to be like him. Not many men will survive in his shoes. I've met guys who are very informed and well travelled, but can't take what he takes. He's a white man in a black man's skin. He's such a darling, people who've met him also say the same thing, there's no dull moment with him. He's an extremely beautiful soul, even guys fall in love with him, how much more girls?

If you were a man, would you marry Omotola?

Omotola is the best wife anybody can ever have. I'm the best gift any man can have. I'm very independent and inexpensive. I'm very driven, very principled and a good mother to my kids. My husband is lucky to have me. So if I were a man I'd marry Omotola. I don't know if I'll be able to handle her. I'm a very complex person. I don't think like every body else, I don't compromise, I'm a non-conformist. To me there's nothing like Nigerian standard, I'm extremely strict. It's not easy to work with me, 'things don't easily impress me. I demand a lot of character from people, I don't encourage frivolities and I hate excuses, so it's hard for people to be around me.

How do you manage to keep in shape, after four kids?

The truth is that I won't come and start forming. I pray about everything. I don't care how mundane, but I pray and it works for me. So it's not because I work out, I've seen people who diet who go to the gym who are still out of shape. I also try to help myself. I play a lot of badminton, I play squash. I have a personal gym and trainer who comes in thrice a week. And I try to eat right all day; today I haven't eaten anything. I've only taken water, I never eat beef, sugar and all that.

So you don't see your moniker Omosexy going stale?

I'm scared. Even people like Nkiru Anumudu, Florence Ita Giwa, they all call me Omosexy. I was on a flight with a female pastor recently and she called me Omosexy. At first I was fighting it, but now I'm used to it, that's the pet name my husband calls me, he calls me Omosexy and I call him honey boy, so when he bought me a jeep, the number plate was Omosexy, that's it!

Most actresses' marriages don't work. What are you doing differently?

Like I said, I think its God. Anything that's not built on God is not going to last. I'll advise actresses not to fall in love with their fans. I might be wrong. And then, your partner must be God-fearing. You must know your source. It's a bastard that describes his father's house with a left hand. My marriage is totally built around Jesus. I might appear sexy tomorrow, but I know where I'm coming from. Me and my husband are scriptural people. The fact that I'm not cheating on my husband is because I fear someone that's not there. Not because I love him so much. Man to man, the worst that can happen is divorce, but with God, you don't mess with His laws and go free. God is the foundation. Then the blocks you build on it is communication. Some spouses are not making as much money as the actors, you must make them understand what is going on, I will not lie that since I got married I have not seen one or two guys that I admire, I know its infatuation... when I see it's getting bigger than that, I discuss it with my husband, anyone can be infatuated. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And the safest person to talk about it to is your spouse, its always a big step for me, even with

God, when you confess your sins, it's like magic, you just see that you've grown past it, so we communicate. When you try to fight things by yourself, you lose. you get deeper, deeper, and you think you've gone too far to go back then you sink and I want to say that when people's marriages break up, its not always because they're wayward or because they just dump their homes. We need to help them. We treat marriage as if it's just an affair. Especially for our career, there's so much pressure. Don't care what anyone says, if not you'll start to run a race that you can not win. I've learnt that steady wins the race.

But why are there constant rumours that all is not well between you and your hubby?

I've gotten to a stage when I don't bother about it anymore 'I've been hearing that for the past 11 years. Time will tell. I only worry for people who see us as role models, who it may affect. Some people think we should go out more often, so people will see us together. But my husband doesn't like going out. He likes to fly, likes to read and sleep. Anything after 8pm, he's already dosing off.

You're 29. A lot of your mates are still single ladies. Do you at times wish you didn't marry as early as u did?

No. I don't feel that way. I have more respect than if I were single. Then there's nothing I want that I don't have. Anything I don't have is because I don't want it, I actually hold myself back. If it was left with me right now, I'll be negotiating for helicopters and all that. It's my husband that keeps me grounded, he's my grounding force. I've never regretted any moment with him. We behave like girlfriends and boy friends. I have my freedom. Even if I want to chill out with friends, I tell him and I go. I respect myself. I go on dates if I want to, he doesn't ask me unnecessary questions.

In 2001 you celebrated your wedding on a Lagos-Benin flight. How will you mark your 25th anniversary?

We're hoping we're still young and wearing knickers. We wanted to do something for 10th, but we had a lot to do. So we paused it, and celebrated my kid's 10th instead. By His grace it'll be a great celebration.

What's your biggest regret in life?

None. I don't have any regret about life. Everything that has happened to me happened for a purpose. Everything happens so you can learn from it. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

And what's your most prized possession?

Nothing really. I'm not carried away by things. Like now I'm not wearing make up. If I have to leave here now and my car is not here, I jump into a cab, and I have three cars. But the thing I cherish most is my brain. That's the only thing I know if I lose, will mark my end" I'm a thinker. I sleep like two- three am everyday, writing ideas "I plan a lot for my life and I need my brain to do all of that. Spiritually, if I ever lose my focus on Christ, then I'm finished, then I'll be like a blind man walking the streets."

How did the controversy about you and Genevieve begin?

Sincerely I do not know. I don't know how it happened. Unfortunately I think I didn't handle it too well. But I've grown past that.

Are you both friends or not?

You don't have to be friends with people and you don't have to be enemies with them. We've never been close friends but when we see, we're okay. We talk. We don't see everyday. Or what's the problem, do people want us to be close friends?

With the rate of recent plane crashes, are you putting pressure on your husband to retire?

If you know pilots very well, you'll realise that they're happiest when they're in the air. I can't tell him not to fly. That's what he loves to do. I fly a lot too. It's unfortunate that when planes crash, people talk about it a lot. But air transport is still the safest. There're lots of road crashes every day. My husband's been flying since he was 17 and he's one of the youngest captains Nigeria has ever had' how can you stop him now?

Has he given you an ultimatum to stop acting, or...

He's actually telling me if I want to go to acting school. These days he keeps asking me are you sure you're not ready now to go back to school. He doesn't think I'm ever going to retire" I'll never retire from acting."

- Courtesy ThisDay