Quote:
Originally Posted by blackbutterfly
All these sentiments are great and I am totally there with all of you BUT having been around women who have just given birth especially new mothers....those sentiments don't have any room right this minute. These women are tired, harried and sometime a little overwhelm with their new responsibility and nobody wants anyone even well intentioned relatives hovering over them when they are just trying to pick their way through this new situation, crying baby, ton of baby clothes to wash, bottles to wash and sterilized, food shopping, dinner to prepare, bathroom/bedroom/kitchen/living room to clean up, husband to drop it hot for occasionally, social engagements to attend to with hubby/family members etc etc.
I am sure that Leggy loves and appreciates her in law but at the same time I can understand where she might be coming from - her child is only three months, I think...let the woman breath and get a grip on not just being a wife which she's got an handle on BUT being a mother which takes a moment to get used to for most folks.
I don't think it's that she doesn't want to man to come to her house period but I think it just boils down to - giving her some space - or at being given some advance notice or a call before Grandpa drops by for a visit that way she's prepared.
Just my own opinion on the matter, I am not saying anyone is wrong...just trying to expand the angles from which we can all review the matter.
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This is a generalization that is not totally true, although I am sure, largely true for most women..
Please correct me if I am wrong but I take it from your post that you are not a mother. Well, I am a father who has been with a woman after birth of not one, but two children. She actually relished and wanted family around. Although, I must say her family. It was possibly because we lived so far away from extended family that their absence was real and missed...
And as a brother-in-law I experienced a situation where my brother's wife refused for our family to stay at their house after she had given birth. Her reason?
EXACTLY what you wrote. She needed space and did not want extended family hovering over her. She was overwhelmed and needed space... And as God is my witness, she herself, later after dust had settled, apologized personally to the whole family. She said looking back on it she wished she had done things differently. Each person is different.
But therein lies the real point. Ddizzle was pointing out the temporary nature of life. And what we sometimes feel is some unbearable issue, in the wider scheme of things is nothing at all. And actually gets lost in dusts of memory.
It is said if you write down, in two separate list, all the things that are important to you and all the things you spend the most time on, they are actually inverted. We spend the most time of our lives on things we actually don't sincerely deem important in the wider scheme of our lives.
The sentiment of "I can't take it", "I need my space" is easy and comforting. The advise to look at this from a different perspective is the healthier and truly the better way to go in the long run of ones life.
Because no-one on their death bed, will say "Thank God I got my father-in-law out of the house..". But when he is no longer there, wish they had more time with him..... This possibilty of this is far greater than the former...