Quote:
Originally Posted by sidney
This is a generalization that is not totally true, although I am sure, largely true for most women..
Please correct me if I am wrong but I take it from your post that you are not a mother. Well, I am a father who has been with a woman after birth of not one, but two children. She actually relished and wanted family around. Although, I must say her family. It was possibly because we lived so far away from extended family that their absence was real and missed...
And as a brother-in-law I experienced a situation where my brother's wife refused for our family to stay at their house after she had given birth. Her reason? EXACTLY what you wrote. She needed space and did not want extended family hovering over her. She was overwhelmed and needed space... And as God is my witness, she herself, later after dust had settled, apologized personally to the whole family. She said looking back on it she wished she had done things differently. Each person is different.
But therein lies the real point. Ddizzle was pointing out the temporary nature of life. And what we sometimes feel is some unbearable issue, in the wider scheme of things is nothing at all. And actually gets lost in dusts of memory.
It is said if you write down, in two separate list, all the things that are important to you and all the things you spend the most time on, they are actually inverted. We spend the most time of our lives on things we actually don't sincerely deem important in the wider scheme of our lives.
The sentiment of "I can't take it", "I need my space" is easy and comforting. The advise to look at this from a different perspective is the healthier and truly the better way to go in the long run of ones life.
Because no-one on their death bed, will say "Thank God I got my father-in-law out of the house..". But when he is no longer there, wish they had more time with him..... This possibilty of this is far greater than the former...
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That is true, but there is something else though. It depends on the relatives and what they come for. One of my friends just had a baby, and her mother in law came to help. I said "wonderful. That should help you out a lot". You know what she told me? She said I don't want her here. I said why? Because she does not help. I have to watch her, watch my first daugher, and watch the new baby. She will not raise a finger to help. I visited while mama was there. She was not a bad woman, did not make trouble, but she did nothing. Nothing. When food was ready, she came to eat. Took care of herself and not much else.
Point is Sidney, You make a great case, BUT it depends on the relationship you have with the relatives. If you have relatives who will come and help and make your life easier, its different. But if the relationship is poor, or they just came to add to your stress, then its hard. Its good for character development, but when you go to bed angry, stressed and unhappy everyday, then........
Summary : Answer is it depends. It really depends on the inlaws and what they bring to the house. From what she says, it does not sound like papa is doing anything wrong, except she has to watch her baby, feed her husband, and serve him too. You know how formal our relationships are back home. You have to be on your guard all the time, watching what you say, how you cook, who visits you, etc, etc. Its exhausting. I get her sha.