Huhuh! I been wondering, as I do, and these two words are stuck on my mind! I trying, but nothing I do seems to get them out of me! Nothing at all, so I figured, I'll share! No good being selfish now! Seeing as some are willing.

You see, I take words composed of the A B C, and I use them to describe whats in my head. But when I look at them, they look nothing like what I thought. It don't matter how much I try, the words just do not look like the picture I had in my head have when I began. Oh! there're close, pretty close, but I wondering, how close?

Don't get me wrong now, I really try. I have the A B C written on the wall of my room so I can always know what they look like. I have a dictionary which I have a close relationship with so I know which letters of the alphabet follow which to form meaningful words, but all the same, the picture I paint with them is not a full manifestation of what I thought to begin with, though I must admit, it aint far off.

When I read what others have written, I understand what I understand, the question however is, "do I exactly understand what they are trying to tell me?" Do I really understand? (of course, I do not expect you to know the answer to that!) But it goes even further than that!

There are many that say what God told them; there's plenty of it in the 'Books'; and there's many 'Books' at that! I was thinking, is what God manifested exactly what the writers perceived? Does the picture they paint with words exactly mirror what they saw? I mean, when Moses says the bush was burning, was it exactly the case that the bush was literally on fire? Or when Balaam's donkey was talking, did the donkey really talk? Did a dove really drop on the head of the Annointed? And did the ocean really split in two so the Israelites coud get away from the Egyptians?

Now, I know one is supposed to take somethings on faith, but well, you all must by now know the problem I have with that! I mean, if God made me in His image, and gave me all the powers He had, I just might be thinking (actually, I am thinking!) I'd just say, "let there be light", and there should be light! Not that I want to be tempting God or nothing! No, I don't. But if I was in the exact image, and I didn't know, and don't say, "let there be light", just because I was not seeing the manifestation right, well, would I not be like the one who placed their talent under the bed and never used it, multiplying it, as should be the case!? And not because I never wanted to use it, but, because, I just never understood!

Well, I figured, and I wondered, so I reckoned, I'd ask, rather than just merely assume, like I did when I assumed wrongly, that no one read what I wrote; does what one perceives, exactly mirror what is manifested? Does the individuals perception really mirror the manifestation? Help!

I figured I'd better post this in front of my nose so I could see it as I worked on it! It seems what began as a little thoth is becoming a roaring storm inside my head, nothing else seems to be allowed in, nothing else but perception!
How does one know if ones perception were correct? I mean, how does one know that the conclussion that one has arrived at is the most valid conclussion that a being can come to and all other peoples perception is, well, not as right as ones? I for one do not think this is a possibility, but I bet some do see things absolutely right!

Well, I want to test my perception. I want to know if I see right, if the conclussions I arrive at are necessarilly so? I just cannot get over this fear of deluding myself!

Nyiah !!!! Make u dey try sha !!!

Ok! I admit, I do not know yet if that is necessarily so; I only been checking a very short while - theres much more to go on!

I think to myself that I want to "be". I make my presence known by stomping my footstep deep into the ground. My hope is those who come along may see them. I hope they are seen now, as I am in the process of making them, and I hope they are seen in the future, long after I am gone.

It is such that I therefore stomp my thoughts very hard indeed, having taken effort to carefully think them out so they would manifest exactly what it was I wanted to manifest. But there is a dilenma, the crux of the matter: How do I know that the manifestation that I manifest is what is perceived by the perceiver?

On the more intimate, might one not be manifesting complete insanity, thinking it were sane? (I shan't bother asking the more valid question, if you do not mind, It would seem as if I were leading you on!)

Like I said! I do not know a thing, yet, but on the whole, is one's manifestation the sole admission of one's existence; "I be, therefore I am", and if I stop being, I am dead!!(?)

I am wondering!

Or shall I say, 'talking'? What do I know, but that its one or the other, but I'll tell you something, I would, tell.

So, I met someone last week! I'd heard the person's words before meeting, and thought, "hmm, wise words", and then I met the body behind the words!
"buda atum!" The person said. Even I was stunned that I would be known! After all, who am I? Simple me, but known because I speak! Peculiar I say, Peculiar indeed!

I do not know, I really don't; it is said, if one throws stones in the market, they will hit one's family! So I wonder, should one throw stones? Is throwing stones not a good way of signalling to one's family that one is here?

You know what? I don't know, but I going try this one out! I going to Sainsburys (its a market, aint it?), I gonna throw a stones, and see if it does hit someone who knows me!

Mainwhile, see you at weddings. (Don't ask! I just speaking!)

I can't figure out nothing myself! I just do not know how many do seem to see things that they alone can see! You would think the many would be much wiser than to condemn others to damnation of hell! But no sir madam! They just know to say "there's a devil in there"! Or, "Its because you a gangaperson!" Or what not! And all that, merely by seeing, no! not, actually seeing, but by reading what one writes about things one writes about!!

Amazing! How some just seem to have been given that so divine gift of discernng!

I personally do wish I too could read what were written and be able to say what the nature of people is! In fact, now that I think of it, one can, and one does, and one is, but I sure do hope it is because the evidence is clearly there, and not due to my ability to build pie in the sky!

I suppose perhaps, it be a defect in me! I mean, how many times do I return to check a thing just because I do not believe that which I have observed to be as I observed before? But then, you already know that I do that, after all, I atum done spoke it many times on here!

I guess all the same, it is sufficient that one stand in the company of those who these such words have been directed to in the times of the beginning. All I can say is, Lord, let me not be a judge of others, so that I be not judged as I do judge them, amen.

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whoever said money can't buy happiness,didn't know where to shop..

Hmm! we all see it from the perspective (I am loving that word!) of the forgiver, and never from that of the person being forgiven, well, I was thinking about it over the weekend and thought to myself, "buda, you must have no sin!"

I tresspass against others a lot in reality. Every Sunday, I say "Forgive me my tresspasses as I forgive those who tresspass against me". I know, that even though I might not know, I must have tresspassed against someone, somehow, so I do ask you Lord, that you forgive me.

I suppose it is that compassion that I ask of you, Lord, God, that I attempt to practise with others. After all, you did say, Lord, "buda, there's no point doing stuff for Me who lives in Heaven, when you refuse to do to those here on earth with you"! And I tell you, He said it so clearly, that even I, cannot claim not to have heard!

So, I dared not suggest to any one else, but let me suggest to myself in your hearing, if I may:

O, Lord, I do not forgive because I think that my forgiving is so much needed by the person I do so forgive. I forgive for my own selfish existence. I have found that the expenditure of vast amounts of energy is required of me whenever I find that I do not forgive those who have transgressed against me. All I have in my mind is how much hurt I refuse to forgive, which results in the growth of a cancerous tumour inside of me! Besides Lord, you did promise that you will only forgive me if I forgive others!

Please give me the grace to remember that those who sin against me are more worthy of forgiveness from me, than even I am, who refuses to forgive those what transgress against me, and make it so that I would understand the amounts of arrogance required of me when I hold the transgressions of others against them.

Forgive me, please, my transgressions, O Lord, only if I forgive those who transgress against me, just as You have promised you would.

amen.

Or shall I just say, The Book, for that really is what I do mean, though when I really think of it, it is what is meant in The Book that really is of concern to me, but let me, if I may ask, which book is this concern for!?

I myself do not know! I am told by the many however, that only one book be required reading for the salvation of one's soul; and in fact, reading other books is likely to send one to hell!

The general notion seems to be that salvation is about the beliefs contained in one book. But is it? Is it not really about what I do with my beliefs that matters??

I myself cannot get over what were said to the landlord of hell when he attempted to tempt the Christ (if I may, taken from the original text of Deuteronomy), "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." Deut. 8:3

I don't know, I really dom not, but as far as I can gather, it seems to be that one should not settle for the lesser reward of bread but strive for the higher bread with jam, and butter, and salami on top!! All the same, mayhaps I tripping, mayhaps it just merely means read much more than the obvious; I wonder. For its not as if I never tripped before.

I do often wonder about the rest of the story. I do not know, but it is obvious to me that one does know it all. John the Baptist even told me I hadn't been told the entire story of my Lord! "Now there are also many other things that Jesus did. Were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." John 21:25

More books? More reading! Interesting! So should one not go looking so as to know more about Christ? Would one know how Lordy Christ is if one didn't know some more? Is it not therefore a duty to seek, diligently? Wouldn't this be part of one's seeking to know God the Father Himself?

Not according to some, I been told!! "You must believe", they say! But I wonder! I do. I do!

It were the Angel Gabriel what told Mohammed, that "Though the sea became ink for the Words of my Lord, verily the sea would be used up before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even though We brought the like thereof to help." Koran 018.109

Would one then be remiss in thinking that in seeking diligently for one's understanding of God, one ought read and hear the words of the Angel of the Lord at least? And even more than that also, with though, or even so because, He had help with His like to write it? I wonder! I do!

I often think of how much seeking one could do. I guess the question is should one bother? After all if all the trees in the earth were pens, and the sea, with seven more seas to help it, (were ink), the words of Allah could not be exhausted. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise. Koran 031.027 So how can anyone really know God!?

I know! You need not bother telling me about the demon in me! You need not bother to tell me that I am troubled neither! I am troubled in my seeking for understanding, and it wouldn't surprise me if there were a demon in my, there!

Perhaps I should just be as some, and believe by faith and be rid of that demon if that be what it be. Mayhaps I need not seek for the knowledge of God diligently, and just take it from the most adored pastor, or the more favoured book? I wonder!

Yet, mad me! according to Thomas, the doubtful Thomas, mad indeed! Jesus said, "Let him who seeks continue seeking until he finds. When he finds, he will become troubled. When he becomes troubled, he will be astonished, and he will rule over the All." GoT v2

Okay, Okay! I give up for now! Not seeking, no, but ring-a-ring, you know what! I may not be as blessed as some who believe without seeing, but then I could get to rule over the all, not that I wish to rule anybody (May the Almighty Allah forbid), but if one did, I am troubled, very, indeed!!

Well, I guess it is time I do a new word! Hold on, let me laugh a little! good! Rephrase - Ah What the heck!!! I just discovered the word, Consciousness - the being aware of my surrounding.

Ok! I know! I have come across the word before, but, have I ever actually thought of the beast in the thing? NOPE! And, neither have I ever thought of the opposite of the word either! I think its "dead", but I got to go check up on that one, for all I know it might be something else!

Anyway, while I still in my state of being aware of my surroundings and so on, thank you all for hosting my e-birthday last week! I had the bestest of times.


Consideing my maddyness, I wouldn't have thought anyone would have hosted, but I was wrong, no sense of my own personal identity! probably not concerned for issues or situations - hence dead, or rather, unconsciousness of my surroundings!


Good thing is I got some Jungy for my birthday. Jungy and Deut 31:8. That should make a diffy, I am hoping.




O! And before I frogret! Yep, the buda has a new tailor!

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No matter how much i try to read and understand your post...

Gezzzzzzzz Buda!

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erinma, you try! You are a holy person indeed! You are! I too have to read it over and over and even then I don't understand my posts!!

I do find though that if I come back to it some other day, I seem to understand, but I guess thats because I got this guy who likes playing with mud! He gets some, spits on it, rubs it in my eye, and sometimes, I see. amazing, aint it!

Mayhaps he can be sent your way.

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I promise.. i wont enter your thread again... make person no craze for here!

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Ah well, we can only hope! Walk upon the good side erinma, I say.

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