Under-stood!

I chose “Under-stood” as the title for this piece for want of a better word, for none can adequately express what I attempt to do here. However, even before I begin, let me explain what I mean by the word, “Under-stood”

“Understood” in the real spelling of the word, is the past tense of the verb, ‘to understand’. However, I say under-stood, as in not being “understanded adequately”, is what I mean, hence, ‘under-stood’ – not sufficiently understanding, if you would have it.

So, why “under-stood”? Well, I would guess the language in which I write is not exactly of a familiar nature, not to you, nor to I. For while I may show pretense of writing in English, if that were the case, would there exactly be the lack of understanding that there is? Is it not true that under-stooding – is what does occur whenst it is read? Surely that is the case! For being not of the understanding of they who do understand the written English, wherefore can it be that I may say that I write the language of English that English speakers know not of? Surely, it is not the language of the English, but that which I know to be – albeit unnamed – the language of the fool if I dared to name it myself; and of words of which meaning is as beheld by the beholder, in abundance to some, and not at all to the others, yea, forgive me Lord.

All the same, I would profess to call it the language of a mystical Gnostic – as in one who knows and knows not – for therein have I found to be the mystery of things. The divine fact that I know not, cannot be mistaken, if you would go through the rambles to date! Hence must I seek, for while there are the many who do know, who can tell me, I myself, ignorant as a dummy, continue to seek to understand, making no sense to they that would wish to understrand! But let me illustrate with an example.

“I was there at the very beginning”, says Wisdom in the book of Proverbs! Now, I myself would wont to wonder why it is that wisdom takes on a mouth to speak! But it is written in the book of Sirach that it shall speak, for “Wisdom shall praise herself, and shall glory in the midst of her people. In the congregation of the most High shall she open her mouth, and triumph before his power.”

When my mind does dwell on things as it wont, I cannot but ask if it is this that “became flesh and lived amongst us,” according to as it were written, “I came out of the mouth of the most High, and covered the earth as a cloud”. For surely, this is the nature of He which perhaps dwells amongst us, that we “know it not”. Did such a One not glory in the midst of us the people, sending down unto the human that which is of a Divine Spirit from the Father that dwells in one?

Nay, surely this is not true. For how can it be that when the many do say that “Jesus is Lord”, such same could possibly mean, “Wisdom is Lord”? Would one deign to take to the worship of idols, and not the one God who is a very jealous God? Yet, the Gnostic in me makes the mystic language of the divine fathers take on the semblance as I lay afore thee, not according to the commonly accepted understanding, but according to as the Spirit has let it indwell in me. Yea, I hear thee say, “There is a daemon in him”! Yet, even I do say, “buda, there is a daemon in thee”! However, the natures of the daemon know not I; I assure you, we stand in good and common standing in naming that which indwells in me.

All I do know is it is not as of my own will that these thinkings do come on to me like as one possessed. For I am but one given a talent - the talent of thoughting - and far be it that I may place it in safe keeping, unused, awaiting the return of the master! Surely you know that from they that use not that which they be given shall it be taken and given to they who already have in abundance! I pray that no ones portion be given to an other!

All the same, as for my illustrating with an example, surely, you are befuddled even the more by now. For the language of Gnosticm, as used to discuss the things of mysticism can not but lead one as to be but lost - it is the nature of the beast - yet, it be understood by they that understand, few as they be, for they know that the eye of logic, and the eye of knowledge are not the only eye that one sees with – yea such as use the senses alone see only the things of the senses. In some things, there is no sense, some things lack logic and be not to the understanding of they who are of the race of moles that creep back into holes when light shines on them. As such perhaps may it be said that the light shines in the darkness, and though the darkness know it not, the light shinneth still regardless, for they that do see to see.

Now, if I were to say, this has no meaning for they that be already fully grown into adult humans, would I be in error? Has not it been said, even before me, that “unless ye become as a child” – entering back into the womb from whence one comes from; emptying the mind of all prior understanding; or in more, perhaps understandable language - taking as one with a mind that is open - only then shall one enter unto the Kingdom?
Yet, I assure you, I am as one who takes unto the talking of nonsense indeed! For such are the words of a child, the gaga-sounds that I do make mutterings of one without no mind nor sense. For if such were were to come forth from the mouth of an adult, one would surely claim they be demonic, or a mad people, or what not. It is such that my delight is in being a new born baby and thus that I write, even that which I understand not which come forth out from the tips of my very own fingers. No I understand not.

And if I were to consider that I have not a clue of the very things, the very thoughts which form in my very own head which herein I do share with they that do bother to share with me, I know not from where it comes! For indeed as I claim to be sharing, even so do I first receive that which I do share, knowing not wherefore it comes from; sharing with you, that which I share unto my very own self. Yea, surely there is a spirit in him – be it either demonic, or holy I know not, but a spirit for sure, indeed, and so do I take to the sharing.

So, if I may attempt to grasp back control and finish off what it was that I begun with, “under-stood”, if I be allowed. It is a journey I be on that I tell thee; it is a trip that I write of indeed; a trip of learning and the knowing of oneself (or at least, attempting to know oneself); it is this which I share with you as well as I can, also at the very same time, sharing with my very own self as I do with you.

It is a journey of which no map exists. The destination is of one that I know not of. The end point is at a time I cannot foretell. The Way, even I ask daily of the Lord Almighty to please give me and they that journey along – if there be any - not that you shall be as me, but that we be not of the leading one another astray and to the getting lost! But that we all be as God desires that we may be, where it is His desire that we be, as He art, not one of us taking to the ever stumbling, I pray, my Lord, Almighty.

As for the conclusion; for I know, the more I go on, the more I twist me - and no doubt you - in more of a muddle, taking us both further from the understanding than we did at the very beginning, into the depths of under-stooding, where things make only a little sense the more one reads the words therein. For these are not the things to be understoosd by they that lack the use of their divine gifts; that I do know.

And if thou were expecting a smooth ride, I bid thee turn away now I beg thee please! For my prayer is that we live in chaotic times with the winds behind our sails as we delve into the mysteries of things most divine, knowing not where it is that we go.

And if I may add to they that seek that have sought so far, be blessed indeed; the Everlasting Lord bless thee with understanding if it be fitting to His Glory, alone amen.

And may I, atum, forever burn in the hottest hell fire if I do evil unto any human, or lead the Creations of the One God astray; Lord watch over me.

In the Holiest Name of the Almighty, do I say, amen.

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Well, not quite! For everytime I consider, "buda, it is time to start on the journey", even though I make to step out the door and embark, I find I have not moved anywhere at all! I think however that I have said that afore - ring a' ring a roses, a pocket full of rubbish! - all the same, anyway, let me step, Perhaps I'd get somwhere today.

My question will be, "why?" Why do I embark on a journey at all? I too wonder, but let me tell you about the journey itself.

It has been a long trip since my inception into my ma's belly. There were times when I was not, and a time when I began 'to be'. To say that I was at the beginning would be a blatant lie; one, because I do not know what was before my time, and second, because even I know my ma, and da were before me - I, came long after.

All the same, I continue a trip began long before I came. If I may borrow the words of Jeremiah, paraphrased for humility, I was planned before I existed, I had those type of parents, you see, "shall we, or shall we not?"

So, in essence, all my life has been a trip, though, I would be the first to admit that it has been a trip to absolutely no where that I have been aware of, nowhere indeed!

I rememeber the days when I actually did think I was going somewhere though. I looked in the books, and found out where to go next, for the trip if you have not gathered by now, was a trip through the Garden of Reading. My greedy nature makes me not capable of passing a tree without tasting of the fruit thereof, hence have I been the eater of tasty juicy good fruit and also the eater of foul nasty horribly disgusting fruit; all I can say is that I have learnt - from experience, only - that not all fruit are bad, and not all are to the good either; just as not all roads travelled are good, and not all are to the bad either.

Yet, and here lays the dilenma of the travelling of many roads - one never gets anywhere, or so it would seem from the perspective of onlookers who obviously know different. Looking, I have seen not. Understanding, I have understood nothing; I have eaten yet I still hunger, I have drank deeply, yet do I thirst still. Still I journey on, getting no where, so to speak.

And there is the love in the matter. I think I have come to the conclussion that though all humans are created in the exact same image of the Almighty God, yet have some not taken to the moulding as some others may have. For when I think of the food of the God's, the fruit of the tree of Good and Evil, indeed, some humans have not eaten, "lest they become like the Gods!" And so some have, taking the fruit right off the Godly table itsdelf. And for those who do know, do they who eat the the Godly foods not become as such?

Yet are we to love one another! And not only so to those who are lovable, but to those whom we would deign to detest the most! For is it not the easier to love the lovables than the detestables? Is it not the easier to love they that are in agreement moreso than they that are not?I think I shan't answer that one!

Well, I have found that the more acceptable lovables that many would love is to those that do see, believe, think as they themselves would! And yet, as many as are the different humans in the world, so the many are the different perspectives, believings, and thinkings that many hold. And yet, to love we must!

I find that humans have a great trick by which they attempt to get around this differences in the many images, in that one sense do the humans take on the divine authority that we would project, and that is to make others like us, to create them in one's own image - either by making them think as one does, or claiming their thinking is of a such nature that justifies my unloving attitude towards them.

All the same, my journey, or shall I call it trip? So it may I be able to be claimed that I have finally taken a step outside - albeit, not as my own personal desire, but as a matter of need, can anyone tell that I have left the enclosement of my abode?

I myself find that I may think I am outside, yet my mind be so trapped in the inside, and I tend to be in the inside of my very own insides, and not on the outsides, at all.

The Lord makes the all be in love, forever.

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Buda! @ ringa ringa roses...

a pocket full of possing!

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Though I ought to call this, "One step backwards", but first! I hate when that other me, comes in here and takes over the whole place! I mean, one would think I could have a place for atum, without that buda taking over all the time! I tell you, it don't surprise me that one gets confused with my spooking! You try being two entities in one body, you'll quickly see what I mean! You'd wake up and wonder who you are today? Is it I, atum, or is I, buda!

So unconsciousness. I come back on here and read it myself. I ask me, who wrote that? If I didn't know any better, I would say someone was logging on here writing stuff, making out like they was me! But then, I think to myself, perhaps I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Perhaps I wasn't conscious of what I was writing.

If I think of it, It don't sound that odd, really. I mean, "In His image", is what was wrote. Would that not mean that in every individula is the same concept of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, just as exists in the maker whom ones image one has? If so, it can't be so odd for one or the other or the other other to be the one walking around at any single moment. Except I suppose, one would believe that the three are inseparable, in which case, where was God when Jesus was being crucified?

Anyway, I don't wanna make anyones head blokhedded like mine is, so a little warning might be in the order of things. Never listen to buda! Though how the heck you gonna know when its buda, or atum or that third part of the trio spoking, I don't know what! I guess I gonna have to rely that you smart enough to tell bulls from hits. I tell you, I sure as hell don't! Especially when I unconscious!

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I haven't been for a little while, been having somewhat of a cisis, but before I tell, I got good news! I got this new partner, hot, indeed, long legs, beautiful hair, nice front (I am being nice!), and connects to the internet too! He was a birthday present, I think I'll be keeping him; I am so very happinisimous! I rolling with joy.

Now for the bad news! you know I been talking, or rather, that buda has been hijacking my spooking, talking about stepping out, going somewhere, like on some kind of trip? Well, we was gonna, step out and all. I'd packed the bags, mine, and buda's - she kind of put her stuff in the bag when I wasn't looking! - and walked out the door, the two of us.

Suddenly, I hear a voice behind me, back inside say, "and where the fuq do you think you are going?", pardo my latin, but those were the exact words!. I looked back indoors, and see myself starring right back at myself, and there weren't no mirror to look into or nothing! Seemed like a me had sort of appeared, kind of exactly like me, but not me exactly, if you know what I mean (! Though how the hell anyone could know what I mean, I wonder! I was there and I do not quite get it yet!)

"Who you?", I ask looking back at me. I, or was it my image? looked back at buda and I, and said "where do you think you're going, without me!?", And that was the end of that! I went right back indoors, and aint stepped out since!

I think I kind of split into three. I, without knowing, had finally sucked up the courage to abandon that third bit, you know, the bit that don't quite get with the program of buda and I - not that buda ever gets with the program or nothing, but this third bit don't even know there's a program to get with, if you get my drift! We was gonna split, start on that journey I was gonna go on, and I was gonna dump that buda at some future date, but seems this third bits like the glue that holds buda to atum! None of thems letting go!

So, I still indoors! I not gone nowhere! I doubt I be goning anywhere for a while now, as I got this third part of some trinity of mine thats becoming a kind of monkey on my back! I tell ya, if I ever felt like Robinson before, I'm Crusoed now, with man friday stuck on me! I tell you, I got a feeling down deep in my being, that I not on my way, for a while, yet.

Ah well, that partner of mine though! I not sharing with nothing! ! Not with buda! And na, definitely not with some third aspect! She is all mine! long legs and nice front and all! All mine, for now!

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Buda, When is this book of yours coming out?

book? me? funny! just imagine, atum sits down, and buda starts writing, and before the things done, all three of us have contributed Who the eck could ever read that gibberish!

you mimi victor are really ,


But serious, I don' know, well I do know actually, that killing - not that its a someone or anything, this third thing that I've discovered in me - but if I were to kill it, do you reckon I'll be killing myself too?

I been wondering about a text that I been reading, you know, the one that goes "if your third leg offends thee, chop the thing off!" Well, I been thinking. You see, everytime I want to do something, or say something, the words kind of come out of my mouth but they don't resemble anything that I had in mind to say! I find myself standing there wondering "who said that!?" Its embarrasing!

The other day I was in a shop. There's this person selling stuff in the shop. There's me thinking to myself, "What shall I buy?" when all of a sudden the person says, "what did you say?" I never said nothing! I wasn't even looking in the person's direction, my mind was wholesale gone on what I wanted to buy! But the person was looking at me funny! It weren't long before the security guard come up to me asking that I leave! Apparently I'd said something untoward!!

So if anyone knows how I can get rid of, say, buda, and hopefully, this third thingy taking over my life too, could you tell me please! I do not want to be some three in one thingymagy! I do not want to be a god!

Until then, I am not leavng my cell no more, I not!

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Hmmm, we probably guessed, that I been stuck in the house since my last post, I have. I called the head shrink the other day, and he asked me to get a rule and measure the size on my head, he said he would have asked me to weigh it to see if it got any heavier since he last saw me, but my neck would get in the way!

Well, I got myself a tape rule, and I measured the thing! Now I not gonna tell how many inches round it is - you might think I'm kinda mouthing if I said its really grown, about 2 inches bigger than it used to be - I told the Doc.

Doc said, "Hmmm, buda, your head has got bigger! Perhaps thats why you can't get it through the door"!

Well, folks, I on a diet! I got to get out more!!

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omo welcome but nawa oh...ur diary na wonder wonder but i bow for you so many revelations

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30 DAYS THE MOVIE
Riri
Music

I just figured I'd tell you; those NIA peoples have fallen off the wall, again, this time, they forgot the ! All the Queen's men, and all the Queen's horses are putting them back together again!

Seems some o' them just can't sit still: 'splat!', thats how they went, a big fat spalt!

You might know them when you see them; though come to think of it, you might come across bits of them only, and not recognise them - they really scattered when they fell off that wall! I'd say call the Queens men if nothings suspicious! They'll come sort them out, and hopefully, put them back together again!

Happy Sabbath

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Am soooo so feeling this!

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Love is not a choice - it is a Commandment ~ Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

If I would say that I do understand this post I would lie Buda...anyhow sha, wish you a happy sunday too

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Love is not a choice - it is a Commandment ~ Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

Daily OM~ The Heart Of Unknowing.
Body: February 8, 2007
The Heart Of Unknowing
Who Am I
At some point in our lives, or perhaps at many points in our lives, we ask the question, "Who am I?" At times like these, we are looking beyond the obvious, beyond our names and the names of the cities and states we came from, into the layers beneath our surface identities. We may feel the need for a deeper sense of purpose in our lives, or we may be ready to accommodate a more complex understanding of the situation in which we find ourselves. Whatever the case, the question of who we are is a seed that can bear much fruit.

It can send us on an exploration of our ancestry, or the past lives of our soul. It can call us to take up journaling in order to discover that voice deep within us that seems to know the answers to a multitude of questions. It can draw our attention so deeply inward that we find the spark of spirit that connects us to every living thing in the universe. One Hindu tradition counsels its practitioners to ask the question over and over, using it as a mantra to lead them inevitably into the heart of the divine.

While there are people who seem to come into the world knowing who they are and why they are here, for the most part the human journey appears to be very much about asking this question and allowing its answers to guide us on our paths. So when we find ourselves in the heart of unknowing, we can have faith that we are in a very human place, as well as a very divine one. "Who am I?" is a timeless mantra, a Zen koan ultimately designed to lead us home, into the part of our minds that finally lets go of questions and answers and finds instead the ability to simply be.

One drop Darma


All the visible universe is the Buddha; so are all sounds; hold fast to one principle and all the others are Identical. On seeing one thing, you see ALL. On perceiving any individual's mind, you are perceiving ALL Mind (one mind). Obtain a glimpse of one way and ALL ways are embraced in your vision, for there is nowhere at all which is devoid of the Way. When your glance falls upon a grain of dust, what you see is identical with all the vast world systems with their great rivers and mighty hills. To gaze upon a drop of water is to behold the nature of all the waters of the universe.
-Ven. Chan Master Huang Po