Thread: Guys letter to a systems analyst

Wife 1.0

Dear Tech support

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.


_________________________


REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes, Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program maintenance scan (PMS). You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give
the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Talking of Wife 1.0 the older I get the more I'm reconsidering getting this program installed. Even Girlfriend 7.0 is not ready for this PC. May be GF 5.0 acquaintance and casual.

This morning, I look at what it tooks me to dress up for church from waking up, putting music on, iron clothes, shower, putting on clothes, it was like an hour to do just that. Not to mention that its after I put on clothes that I go to brush my teeth (which some people thinks its awkward). Imagine having to take care of 2 children with that. I mean, I know my wife could do it but, I will like to take care of such responsibility too. And you know kids will love to have breakfast in the morning, not to mention, if someone favorite shoe or socks is kicked behind the bed and the child is demanding for it. Which makes me come to asking this question, in a marriage/family, who will be most dear to you? your spouse or your kids?

Originally Posted by Hubscrown

Talking of Wife 1.0 the older I get the more I'm reconsidering getting this program installed. Even Girlfriend 7.0 is not ready for this PC. May be GF 5.0 acquaintance and casual.

This morning, I look at what it tooks me to dress up for church from waking up, putting music on, iron clothes, shower, putting on clothes, it was like an hour to do just that. Not to mention that its after I put on clothes that I go to brush my teeth (which some people thinks its awkward). Imagine having to take care of 2 children with that. I mean, I know my wife could do it but, I will like to take care of such responsibility too. And you know kids will love to have breakfast in the morning, not to mention, if someone favorite shoe or socks is kicked behind the bed and the child is demanding for it. Which makes me come to asking this question, in a marriage/family, who will be most dear to you? your spouse or your kids?

wat are you?..trust u to say write half a page on something u should laff @

Dear Tech Support,

I'm considering a complete overhaul of the system; what about changing the hard-drive that currently runs Wife 1.0 to a unix based platform that allows me to run the newly released Girlfriend 9.0 with possibility for future updates to a new Wife 1.0? Some users have done that and seem to be doing fine.

Any thought on that?

Not sure if anyone has seen this...if you have!! No harm in refreshing your memory

Singles & Married Software Upgrades. Read before you upgrade. For those that have already upgraded see maintenance Instructions below.

The letter

Dear Systems Department,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new
program began unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems Initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting
to operate Selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday
Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it on-line or off-line.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?


Reply from analyst

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the "wife 1.0 " program. Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0" to "Wife 1.0 " thinking that "Wife 1.0" is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.

Actually, "Wife 1.0 " is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by it's Creator to Run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 "and still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 ", as "Wife 1.0 " was not designed to do this and it is Impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install "Girlfriend 8.0 "or "Wife 2.0 " but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having " Wife 1.0 " installed, I recommend you keep it installed And deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the

C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting to use the

*Esc(Escape)-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\APOLOGIZE\PLEASE FORGIVE ME
for a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

"Wife 1.0 ", although a very high maintenance program, can be very
rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this
is not a supported Application for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST OF LUCK!


Your Systems Analyst,

CAUTION
'Any attempt to install program such as Secretary 2.1(the short skirt version) or One Nightstand 3.2 to wife 1.0 is most likely to get a result that might expose your system to an imunity emobilising virus that completely destroys the defences of your software and ultimately, but surely leads to destruction of the hardware. The virus is called HIV 99.9!

Oh?

I love this.Tell them Mr. Sola

Originally Posted by lady_vexy

wat are you?..trust u to say write half a page on something u should laff @

U know him!