Thread: 20/20 Governor Sanford - cheating husband

and now Barbara Walters interviewing Governor's Sanford's wife.

last week it was the whole John Edwards saga..........

i feel so bad for those wives but are these situations being over-exaggerated. it is wrong for a man to cheat but in Africa it is almost normal for a husband to have a woman on the side............ maybe that is why i don't totally grasp why this is getting all this attention...........

and when they keep doing this on national TV, aren't they hurting the kids. it is not just about the adults but now their kids are embarrassed and then made to choose sides............... terrible, just terrible.............

hm! i don't know how to respond to this...
john edwards saga own na another tori, i just cannot believe that john edwards, knew he had this skeleton in his closet, this extremely damaging skeleton and he came to run for president!!
and made it known that he was available for VP!! can you imagine what this would have done had he been selected as Obama's running mate and then this scandal broke? or he had been chosen as the nominee for President and this thing came to light?
his party would not have survived this, i doubt.

its his arrogance and the...(i can't even find the right word)...

on to sanford...i don't think sanford's is bein over-exaggerated.
this is a man who admitted, publicly, that he HIS MISTRESS WAS HIS SOUL-MATE!!! to national media!! WTT!!!

it might be almost normal for a husband (in nigeria) to have a woman on the side but that doesn't make it right, it is a failing on the husband and perhaps of the society to accept and expect and tolerate it...but thankfully, i hope this is a changing phenomenum. i can only hope.

All I can say is 'It is better to love the man(or woman) you marry, than to marry the man(or woman) you love'!!! They are both physically the same man/woman but after the exchange of rings they may become emotionally/spiritually totally different....
The duality of Love/passion can be a heated sword in to the wrong hearts.
I think Edward's cheating was more lust based but the Standford's guy......for some reason I am empathetic to him. He sounds like someone totally knocked off his socks...fully enthralled by the consuming kind of love/passion/soulmate/one-of-a-kind love. His emails and talks depict a soul that surprising realised that there the storybooks and romantic novels could mirror reality....

I think Edward's wife left out of anger that she was lied to about the baby but Standford's wife left because she realised her husband had never and will never love her or be passionate about her like his 'soulmate'...So I guess she needs to show her kids that they should not just settle..Both men are so wrong and yet I wonder if they really married for love initially or just 'settled' because it was the right time, or for politics, status, family/societal pressure etc Sad on so many levels. Its so painful for both parties, their children, ....God, help us all father!!! pls just give everyone their true flesh of their flesh and their bone of their bones.
I think in the next 50-100 yrs, the institution of marriage as presently structured will be redefined, something aint right!!!! Again I ask, is monogamy possible for men??? Sincere answers, pls.

Originally Posted by Thickmadam

it might be almost normal for a husband (in nigeria) to have a woman on the side but that doesn't make it right, it is a failing on the husband and perhaps of the society to accept and expect and tolerate it...but thankfully, i hope this is a changing phenomenum. i can only hope.

Originally Posted by zelifat

I think in the next 50-100 yrs, the institution of marriage as presently structured will be redefined, something aint right!!!! Again I ask, is monogamy possible for men??? Sincere answers, pls.

My question is why should "marriage", in its current state, be an institution at all? Monogamy can exist without the legalities of marriage. Additionally, why is male monogamy, or lack thereof, an essential component to it?

For marriage, I have said time and time again on NR and in real life, the person who cannot be easily fired from a job acts intrinsically different from someone who can be left go at any time. When people state that marriage is just a piece of paper, they are only partially correct. The signing of the paper creates and emotional and mental paradigm shift that changes the dynamics of the relationship. This is unavoidable and must be conscientiously addressed in the course of the relationship to make sure complacency does not ruin the union.

I wonder about the need for male, not female, monogamy only because of offspring. Lack of female monogamy will cause problems determining fatherhood of children. Now if the full onus of child support fell upon the woman, then I would also say that the importance of female monogamy can also be questioned.

I am not saying I don't believe in monogamy or lasting relationships (not marriage itself), I do. I just wonder in their current state, do they work? And why should monogamy, itself, be weighted disproportionately to other aspects of relationships? I think there is a societal push for the woman, or man for that matter, to raise infidelity above all over vices, issues or problems in a relationship or marriage. People seem to understand when a woman or man would stay in an abusive relationship more than they would understand staying in one with infidelity...

I don't understand at what point did this occur in society as it was not always the case from both genders point of view. Again this is a decidedly American hang-up.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
if his wife is to be beleived, governor appalachian trail insisted that the word "faithful" be removed from the vows.
Jenny Sanford: 'Cheap' Mark Sanford Dropped 'Faithful' From Wedding Vows

i am a woman and i really feel the pain of these two ladies.

BUT...............

often i have heard, even from my own brothers and uncles and male friends, that a man can love more than one woman. it does not mean he loves the first woman any less.

also i have heard that men COMPARTMENTALIZE, he will love you because you are gorgeous and sexy, he will love the next one because she is a good cook, he will love his wife because she is a good wife and mother to his kids, he will love another one because she makes him feel alive (often wives fail in this department because of their other many responsibilities)............

etc, etc............

when we women love, oh goodness, we love the husband or dude because he is supposed to be the alpha and omega of everything.

not to piss anyone off.........

but Sanford still love his wife but have the other chic for excitement. and as for calling her his soulmate...........come on girls, men will say anything, damn they will even call you Mary the mother of Jesus just to make you melt.

Maybe we women and wives, need to re-assess how we perceive our husbands. That will save us a lot of hurt.

Somethings are plain unforgiveable............

but on matters of the heart................. i think we need to re-assess.

Once someone said that if we women learnt to compartmentalize like men, we would shed less tears...........

life is a learning process................

TM thank you jare for that. I don't know about the whole in Nigeria it's normal for a man to have more than one woman. That is because the women allow it - well for those who encourage and allow it na u sabi and that's why they do what they do. You want to have mistresses on the side? Well two can play the damn game. It hurts so very much when a woman has to go through all these nonsense all because of Vagina. And men would talk about "oh it's just for the excitement and that they love their wives". Screw that bull shit!!! You love me to end up infecting me with a horrid disease after your stupid mess. You sleep with a woman just stay out with your infested self and don't bring it into the house to hurt the woman and the poor kids.What rubbish!!!

Originally Posted by maria2004

i am a woman and i really feel the pain of these two ladies.

BUT...............

often i have heard, even from my own brothers and uncles and male friends, that a man can love more than one woman. it does not mean he loves the first woman any less.

also i have heard that men COMPARTMENTALIZE, he will love you because you are gorgeous and sexy, he will love the next one because she is a good cook, he will love his wife because she is a good wife and mother to his kids, he will love another one because she makes him feel alive (often wives fail in this department because of their other many responsibilities)............

etc, etc............

when we women love, oh goodness, we love the husband or dude because he is supposed to be the alpha and omega of everything.

not to piss anyone off.........

but Sanford still love his wife but have the other chic for excitement. and as for calling her his soulmate...........come on girls, men will say anything, damn they will even call you Mary the mother of Jesus just to make you melt.
Maybe we women and wives, need to re-assess how we perceive our husbands. That will save us a lot of hurt.

Somethings are plain unforgiveable............

but on matters of the heart................. i think we need to re-assess.

Once someone said that if we women learnt to compartmentalize like men, we would shed less tears...........

life is a learning process................

sister maria, is like you didn't read it properly...i said: he called the woman his soulmate IN PUBLIC! TO THE MEDIA.

it wasn't what he wrote to her, it's what he opened his mouth and uttered to a reporter.

if that is not humiliating to his wife, i don't know what is.
not only has he cheated on her, but now, he comes in public and says "oh by the way, the woman that i cheated on my wife with? yeah, she's my soulmate" so what is his wife now? trash? if you found your soulmate why didn't you just go and be with her?

i don't know how else to make you understand the point i'm trying to make so i'll just bow out of here at this point and go find another thread to play in.

bye bye.

@TM, after reading the HufTpost link you gave,i realised that the Governor was clear enough from the on-set about his inability to stay faithful as long as the marriage lasted by insisting that "Faithfulness" be removed from his marriage vows. It would amount to asking the obvious but, did she really expect anything else? Note that she also had some more reservations about the guy. Meanwhile, that is one cheap son of a smoking gun! Taking back presents he bought for her, buying her used $25 bicycle plus more...What a nerd?