By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde | Published 03/10/2005

Frustrating wonderland...

I speak of the African male in the Diasporas. I speak of men, not individually, but collectively. I have known men who are extraordinary both in their private and public lives. But today, I make no distinction, and instead have as the focus of my treatise the general male population in the Diasporas. There are no mysteries surrounding men. There is nothing that can't be explained about men. But alas, in their relationship with women and with fellow men, men tend to convey and or project a godlike picture. Their attitude and disposition are quite different. For men, life is all about power and a can-do-attitude; it is about "me, therefore me." Men have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. They believe they own the world, therefore they rule the world. They make war, make peace; they build and they destroy.

It may sound nasty, archaic, regressive and even hideous. In fact it is! But collectively, men expect women to cook and clean, to raise babies and to provide sex on demand; and if the woman at home won't "obey before complain," the men will make a home elsewhere. No man will admit to the aforesaid; no man will admit to being provincial, uncouth, and non-western. And why should they? To admit to their primordial instinct and belief would be suicidal. A man's world is a world of grave contradictions, a world of simmering anger, fear, uncertainty, and parchment of egos. Left alone and without guidance, men will self-immolate, will self-destruct. Men live in a bubble and are eternally self-centered. Go down history-lane and you will realize that women have been keeping men "together" and afloat long before Adam & Eve; but unfortunately women don't know these simple facts -- facts men are not about to admit to now, or ever!

It is a shame that, collectively, women have yet to realize three general facts about men: throw a man out of the house and he will go to pieces; deny him sex and will pout and pout and pout; deny him food and he will whine like a baby. To challenge a man's mentality, disposition and worldview is akin to castrating him. It is better to kill a man than to take away his "john." Women should know that there is an invisible rope around a man's neck. Women just needed to know when to pull and when to let go: master the timing and you can enslave a man! But because women do not know these basic facts about men, they allow men to dominate their every existence and very essence. Women allow men to be kings not knowing that men are childlike and duplicitous -- mostly devoid of ethics, morality, good sense and common sense.

African men are quick to lie and cheat and bamboozle African women. But then, lying and cheating and conniving are in their nature. Brought up to view women as objects -- mostly objects of sexual desire -- they have no respect for women. The African male does not view the African female as an equal. And if these men have their ways -- women will be confined to the kitchens, to the maternity wards and to subservient roles. One need not look far and war to witness some of the atrocities the African men commit against African women. Aren't these the same women who are the bedrock of the society, the pillars of the family? Men rely on women for everything. They cry on the shoulders of women, rely on the advice of women and when they fall on hard times, these women will take them in. And more often than not, these women become the only anchor in a sea of turbulence. Yet, how do men repay women?

To repay these women, they go back home to the hills and mountains and waterways of Nigeria to bring back to the U.S supposed virgins who are thought to be of good moral character. These men go back to the rural areas of Tanzania, Zambia and Lesotho, and Ghana and bring back to the U.S "nice, religious girl with good family background." For the vast majority of these African men the aim is to bring back a girl who is like clay, a girl they can mold in a desired image. Good gracious, after years and years of being the rock, of being a steady and reliable friend and partner, the African women (in the U.S) get dumped unceremoniously in preference for the "innocenty." How sad!

It is beyond ones wit why after all these years women have yet to figure men out. Year after year, men have been abusing and disrespecting women. Year after year, men have been lording over women and in the process have taken away or crushed their rights and dignity. There are women who are driven to mental penury after their encounter with these men. In the last couple of years, one has noticed a new phenomenon: in a country where polygamy is illegal, the Africans have found a way to "marry" more than one wife. From Maryland to Texas, from New York to Los Angeles, there are African men who are raising children in two or more households. (I don't mean divorced household, but households of unofficial wives where the man "comes and go" as he wishes.) The women are trapped. Too tired and beaten to start afresh and so have accepted their lot in life........Read full article in link provided below:

http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/ar...rican-Men.html

My NR brothers in the diaspora, what say you?

how sad

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the shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the difference between your knees and the floor...anybody who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything

..rubbish.....

Pa

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....Perception Is Everything....

Pa

I don't agree with the writer

I don't know exactly what his/her problem is. I hope he/she was not typing this for the heck of it because majority of what I read there... I don't want to say anything that will appear derogatory or inflammatory but this article paints an erroneous picture of African men. I don't even get the idea of African men not being 'Western'...I just don't get it. Sincere apology to the writer but I vehemently disagree with 90% that article.

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NIGERIAN ANIMATED WEB SERIES

hmmmmmm she has lot to say...but disagree with her....

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30 DAYS THE MOVIE
Riri
Music

Guys, the writer is male!

By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde
..well..with a name like "Sabella" perhaps he's in tune with too much of his female side

Pa

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....Perception Is Everything....

Pa

GBAM! That name got my suspicion on red alert... especially the last paragraphs of the article.

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NIGERIAN ANIMATED WEB SERIES

Rubbish with a capital "R".........

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THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT ME; SO I GUESS I AM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT.

U MAY lOVE ME OR HATE ME BUT U CANT IGNORE ME

A thorough treatise on Nigerian men and the demise of moral values as it affects Nigerians in the diaspora.
How do we begin to do it right?

there is a little amount of truth,but most of it is a perception of what nigerian have being doing.

You got that right.

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NIGERIAN ANIMATED WEB SERIES