Thread: Must read for Single Ladies over 30!

I saw this on another web forum and I must say, sadly there are some truths in the write up! Hey, fellow ladies over 30 and still single, what do you think? You know I got my radical views, but would rather hear yours before I start venting!

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Default MY PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS ESPECIALLY LADIES OVER 30!!
Life they say is a journey but it appears that for single African women over the age of 30, life is a marathon. Like many married women, I have often watched with shock at how my single friends over 30 (with strong intentions to marry), fail to see the abundant ‘diamond in the rough’ type of men at family parties, weddings etc. In order to help our single sisters figure out the game of love, we gathered advice on what they should do from African women who are married and often see what the single sisters don’t. Here is what the married women had to say:

1) Don’t focus on the Exterior-------LOOK INSIDE......DEEP INSIDE.....If he is short....they have shoes to fix that problem. If he does not dress well....don’t worry you can fix that with time. If he says, ‘shicken’ instead of chicken......you can teach him the correct pronunciation or change yours to ‘shicken’ as well. Focus on his character, his ambitions and his principles. These will be good indicators of his suitability as a mate.

2) Broaden your horizon -------- Ladies let’s be realistic, you are now living in the Western world. There are a ton of good men that are not necessarily from your tribe, village, country or race. Be open to the possibilities.

3) Step out of the Box ------------ Have a social life beyond your job. You cannot be found if you constantly work or stay home.

4) Drop the Defensive Attitude ------You are the Woman and He is THE MAN.

5) Don’t look for Mr Ready Made--------------Be willing to start from scratch together.

6) LEAVE OUR MEN ALONE -------- Appreciate from far what hard work and time we have spent to get our men to where they are now.....and aim to do the same with your own man....not ours.

7) COOK - Men have not changed much since creation. The basics still work quite well for them. That being said....COOK....and make sure its what he likes to eat.

8) Know your Competition - Ladies, past 30 eh, there is no need for ‘shakara’ also known as pretending. If you want to talk to him, pick up the phone and call. At this age your competition are women between 21 to 25 and trust us....they are go getters.

7) Know when to UNLEASH the Nookie - Should you sleep with him on day one or should you sleep with him after 9 months? Our panel of married women all had different stories with different outcomes. Only you can determine when the time is right but it is extremely important that the nookie be part of the TOTAL package you offer (cooking, strong listening skills, good manners etc....) and not a side dish.

8) Establish Yourself as a Unique Brand - What is your story? Who has influenced your life? What is important to you? What inspires you? Why should he pick you? Knowledge of self will increase self confidence thereby making you more attractive.

9) Forget the night clubs----------- You will not meet him there. So don’t bother.

10) Know when to say.... ‘to the left, to the left’ - - - - - You cannot date a man forever. If you have been seriously dating or living with a man for two years and no mention of marriage has come up.....stop wasting your time with him. End the relationship. Move on.

11) Diversify Your Social Life ---- Keep yourself busy. Get active in the community, expand your horizon. If you are Nigerian, don’t just attend Nigerian events or events held by your village association in America. Make friends with other Africans as well and attend their events.

12) Mail Order Groom ---- Sometimes taking a vacation and visiting home might just be the best way to find your spouse. Your nagging relatives may have found the perfect mate for you, so do give this option a try.

13) Be Patient - Don’t get desperate and don’t ask questions like, ‘so where is this going’ on the second date. Take your time.

14) Set Goals for yourself and accomplish them while you wait.

HAVE A WONDERFUL SEPTEMBER

Angela Ogbolu
Editor
Kitu Kizuri

@ #10, I will vent and vent real good!! let me start from that one before I pick any other number! But seriously! What's with babes hanging unto a man for over 2 years and counting and still no marriage plans and still 'hoping'?!! Abegi!!!! To the left O jare!!!!!! After I don see ma babe wey date guy from age 29 up to age 38 and bobo still fashy her!!!!! With no reason!! And babe been don even change her last name to his own as per his people too palmwine and kola to her family (traditional marriage)!! Dat's why me say, if E no be court or church wedding, all my villagers can drink your Hennessey and Schnapps Gin, I no be ya wife!! Shuo!!!

But men, why do you have to be milking a cow for all these years, have babe tell the whole world how 'husband' you are, she shines your house as well as your manhood and yet, to commit hard una?!!!

Yes, I am not a believer in long-term dating!! I will just lose interest along the way O jare, especially not when other bobos are toasting me and you no wan 'Keep me'? TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT!.........

@ #9: I have a gf that storms nite clubs every weekend, all of them like between 34-37, and they are looking for husbands!!! even an odeh would know that dem no dey see husbands for nite club O! Club guy come look for booty, kapish! You come look for husband, see where interest begin to clash?! And now when bobo tell babe wetin she wan hear just to shine her congo, na her go begin run around dey hala how men be beasts!! But she no go talk true where she meet the bobo and also why hin gbencsh her first night under the influence of the klieg lights and neon lights and of course, alcohol........women!!

But na where be the best place to find Mr. Almost Right? {Abeg, Mr. Right exist in the same era that the Unicorn and Dinosaurs existed!) anyhoo, where is the best place ti find them? The Church?! Hmmmm.....Dont even get me started there!!! Church? Hah!! God-fearing man? Hah!! I reserve my comment!

No, I shall voice my comment! Funny thing here is that the good guys in church who truly serve God and are the REAL God-fearing men look 'boring and nerdy' on the outside! And may not appeal to a 'social babe', while the flashy ones that "claim" to be holy would be the ones that would tell you how "God understands fornication"!

Hmmmmmmmmmmm...................

Originally Posted by Papino

Hmmmmmmmmmmm...................

Mr Big grammars, is that all you got to say?! hah! I thought you would come in defending men and bashing women over 30 who still dey do "shakara" while they are gathering dust on the shelf! :

Abeg, make una men talk from una point of view O jare....

Ok, to Point # 13......

my opinion, while its not good to date too long, also doesnt mean babe got to want to jump the broom fast fast! Nah!! U got to test the waters....make sure the person flows with ya....abi?

I sure hope there are not many ladies over 30 who lives in regrets sha.....I have seen a couple of babes who wished a past relationship had ended in marriage and blame all their woes on the guy! To that I call "Escapist method of facing reality!" Except the bobo was just plain wicked and hurt you, which I doubt, (because women ALWAYS see the signs of a dying relationship and still hope its turns out good). EVERY woman should be able to look behind her past relationships with no sad feelings!!

If a woman looks behind her and still feels bad about Mr A or Mr B, she HAS NOT moved on! And if she marries in that state, she would be committing Bigamy! Legally married to Mr Present, while sleeping in the same bed with Mr present and Mr Past at the same time!

Personally, I know I have always said Thank God for past relationships! Did some hurt? YES! At that moment, but time showed the break ups were just a GIFT OF GOODBYE! Gift of Good bye is when someone leaving your life is actually a blessing, a gift, a way for you to move forward, especially if their presence in your life is not part of your destiny!

Enuff rambling from me, let me go ramble some more in my blog O jare.

Even at age 18, I had the #10 mind set. Move on. I am married now and almost 30 and I will say the same thing to an 18 yr old. Two years is enough time to figure out if this is serious.

Originally Posted by Sifu

Even at age 18, I had the #10 mind set. Move on. I am married now and almost 30 and I will say the same thing to an 18 yr old. Two years is enough time to figure out if this is serious.

Even my father says that if a man doesn't start hinting something within six months to a year of dating, a lady ought to move on because a man knows if he's got wifey or booty material within this time frame and I trust my dad.

Originally Posted by blackbutterfly

Even my father says that if a man doesn't start hinting something within six months to a year of dating, a lady ought to move on because a man knows if he's got wifey or booty material within this time frame and I trust my dad.

Gbam! Gaskiya!

If by 6 months bobo still dey dally, and never begin yarn as per perm levels, ....to the left, to the left!........... All that dating for sooooo long and claiming to get to 'know each other well' is crap! Human behaviour is dynamic and situations, environment and circumstances can change any one person, any time!

So, based on extrinsic influences, a person that exhibits certain covert personality characteristics that could be termed in lay words as a 'nice' person may turn out to be an aggressive, or even violent person if he or she cannot handle things around them at any one time, just as a person that who used to be 'crazy' in layman's word, could become docile, mild, quiet etc just by meeting somebody and being under the influence of 'love'.....so, what makes any man think a woman cannot change even after 10 years of dating?!

better to change together O jare! And come to think of it, what is really the difference between marriage and living together under the same roof? Without the religious implication of fornication, all that would legalize and make everything fine is just a darn piece of Marriage Certificate! (That is given on a drive-thru even in Las Vegas!!).....

Sometimes I wonder why a man will not marry a congo shinee he has under his roof?! Why are they so wicked and heartless not to consider how the woman's life would be after they leave her?! Unless it is a mutual agreement that no marriage should be contracted, but permanent relationship! More wicked is if the woman in question is approaching menopause!

Like my girl that dated this guy for 9 years, after he left her, she is close to menopause and to make matters worse, has been diagnosed with fibroid!! And now she wished she had even had a child for him all these years etc....

Infact, there should be a law against long dating that is not by mutual consent! Haba!!

(7) Know when to UNLEASH the Nookie - Should you sleep with him on day one or should you sleep with him after 9 months? Our panel of married women all had different stories with different outcomes. Only you can determine when the time is right but it is extremely important that the nookie be part of the TOTAL package you offer (cooking, strong listening skills, good manners etc....) and not a side dish.

Hey what a piece of advice!! But ladies should try everything possible to withhold nookie until the man says "I do." The reason is that there is no man, whether in heaven or on earth, who can guarantee what he would do with/to a woman after nookie.

Most men have proven to be predators whose sole goal in relationship is nookie; some are gold-diggers, though.

It's okay if nookie happens by mistake, but trust me on this: your relationship, from then on, is on a downward spiral.

If you want him for keeps, don't sleep with him until he says "I do."

@ #9: I have a gf that storms nite clubs every weekend, all of them like between 34-37, and they are looking for husbands!!! even an odeh would know that dem no dey see husbands for nite club O! Club guy come look for booty, kapish! You come look for husband, see where interest begin to clash?! And now when bobo tell babe wetin she wan hear just to shine her congo, na her go begin run around dey hala how men be beasts!! But she no go talk true where she meet the bobo and also why hin gbencsh her first night under the influence of the klieg lights and neon lights and of course, alcohol........women!!

Women make it so easy for men to ruin their (ladies' ) lives! No man in his right mind will ever consider marrying a lady he met at the club!!! Oh well, some inexperienced guys are still out there, but you'll never see nor meet 'em at the clubs.

But na where be the best place to find Mr. Almost Right? {Abeg, Mr. Right exist in the same era that the Unicorn and Dinosaurs existed!) anyhoo, where is the best place ti find them?

Where to find Mr/Mrs. Right? There's no Mr or Mrs Right, Estella. If a man/lady is lucky, the best s/he will ever get is Master/Miss willing-to-adjust! The guy/lady that looks promising now is only so on the fly; wait until you start living together, that is if you ever make it to the altar!

The Church?! Hmmmm.....Dont even get me started there!!! Church? Hah!! God-fearing man? Hah!! I reserve my comment!

Please do reserve your comment!!!

No, I shall voice my comment! Funny thing here is that the good guys in church who truly serve God and are the REAL God-fearing men look 'boring and nerdy' on the outside! And may not appeal to a 'social babe', while the flashy ones that "claim" to be holy would be the ones that would tell you how "God understands fornication"!

That's it! The God fearing guys are not "exciting" simply because they are far removed from Hollywood - They don't watch "Two Can Play The Game!!" You can't have it both ways - a god fearing man whose life reeks of godliness won't go the way of the world (The last time a friend tried it, he landed more ladies than he could handle!!) and so do godly sisters. It's saddening, though, that not a few daughters of Zion have fallen prey to wolves in sheep's clothings!!

Originally Posted by Multioption

Hey what a piece of advice!! But ladies should try everything possible to withhold nookie until the man says "I do." The reason is that there is no man, whether in heaven or on earth, who can guarantee what he would do with/to a woman after nookie.

Most men have proven to be predators whose sole goal in relationship is nookie; some are gold-diggers, though.

It's okay if nookie happens by mistake, but trust me on this: your relationship, from then on, is on a downward spiral.

If you want him for keeps, don't sleep with him until he says "I do."

I agree

A guy who likes you will wait!

I just love #10 & #13

Originally Posted by EstellaCouture

I saw this on another web forum and I must say, sadly there are some truths in the write up! Hey, fellow ladies over 30 and still single, what do you think? You know I got my radical views, but would rather hear yours before I start venting!

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You waited a total of 8 mins before you began to vent ya own! You no even allow people to respond

Kai EC! Na only one of you for dis earth!!

Originally Posted by sidney

You waited a total of 8 mins before you began to vent ya own! You no even allow people to respond

Kai EC! Na only one of you for dis earth!!

O'lboy mek i warn u o! Mek u no dey enta mai headi dey tief my ideas o!













You took the words right of my mouth! Chei!!!!! Estella mhmm!