Is the county also one of the richest in the US?

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RIP Pastor Ify Irukwu ....

I'm looking forward to experiencing some Unspeakable Joy!

VEry true, the bolded points! A lot of times people stay in really bad marraiges, to say they gave it their best.And they get caught up in this whole thing, till their lives are miserable. It goes both ways for the man and the woman. Then one day, things come to a head, pent up anger that has been built over decades just explodes and.....pow, you have a MARITICIDE(killing your spouse)!

When I voice such opinions then i get that "How can you say that", but its very true. We need to be real, and see different situations for what they are, some marriages were never meant to be, and so when they go bad, they REALLY go bad.

@Kikis and Iuwa: While you ladies did make some valid points, I think you failed to consider the uniqueness of America's position in this matter. Like I stated earlier, the country leads the rest of the world in divorce and broken homes -- that statistic is not by mistake, nor is it haphazard. The high divorce rate isn't unconnected with certain factors that are unique to the american social and legal system, factors which are absent in most other societies.

It's no secret that the u.s. makes divorce way too easy and accessible, especially with its 'no fault' divorce laws/provisions; which allows a spouse to demand and cause the breakup of the marriage even if the other spouse is committed to maintaining the relationship. It's a generally know fact that stable and healthy marriages/families are the bedrock of society and consequently should to be strengthened and not weakened. A society that makes legal provisions that create incentives that promote divorce/broken-homes is only setting itself up for disaster. Indeed, some marriages are beyond repair, however, for the collective good of society, such unfortunate cases should not become the norm, abeg. When a society with an almost extreme individualistic culture and ideological bias for a rabid form of feminism legislates laws that dispropotionately favor one gender above the other in the event of divorce, going as far as rewarding the intiator of the divorce [which overwhelming turn out to be women] with child-support, alimony settlements and other financial gains, why then should a woman feel motivated to fight to save her marriage, when she stands to 'gain' more from being divorced? In a litigation frenzied environment like the u.s., where the courts are the preferred resort for settling domestic and inter-personal disputes, is it any wonder then that the country's divorce rate is the highest in the world?

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"I spit phrases that thrill you..." -- someborri

Nice !!!

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Ignore the B.S forget the dramas, chat your fun and be happies

Opinions are like a-*-* holes, everybody is entitled to one

Speaking from experience, divorce is not easy to get in this country. Just to correct you, martial laws in the United States are not national laws. Each state has their own martial laws and not all state follow the no-fault rule.

Lastly, believe me when I say it is much easier to get married (and stay married) in this country than to be awarded a divorce decree. This is why you have a lot of couples just physically seperated instead of going through the court system.

My comments were on that latent anger that exists in couples who are in a clearly unheathly relationship, but still stick it through due to societal pressure. It is more common than you think, and is not exclusive to the US.

If they pull the stats of how many spousal homicides occur in Naija yearly, you go bow. Isnt it better that they divorce and live apart, that try to keep up the whole happy act of being the BEDROCK of the society and killing off each other in the end.

These occurrences aren't peculiar even in our culture, were women are oppressed and forced to endure, just to keep up with our societal norms. 60% of the time, its a FARCE.Marriages in Africa suffer the same problems as those abroad. The only difference is that in the US you have a voice and the law favours you, so you can do something about it!

beautiful kids and a very sad story how could the man be so callous

While the 'no fault' statute may not be a federal law, it has been adopted by MOST states in one form or another. California was the first state to legislate the statute back in the late '60s, however within a decade most other states had followed suit by adopting it in some form. So regardless, the statute's still applicable to a majority of americans. Bottomline is, the divorce rate is still way too high, and since it's the courts that grant the decree then I fail to see how it, and the legal system, can be absolved from complicity.

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"I spit phrases that thrill you..." -- someborri

Not how it always works in the U. S. Instead of sending the kids to other family members they a lot of the time send them to complete strangers. Even if a aunt, uncle grandmother etc. can take care of them. This happens a lot with black and latino children.

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Amanda

You're right that marital problems cut across borders, however my own point is that, unlike the u.s., most other societies provide alternate and more effective means of mediation in efforts to save marriages. And about societal pressures to stick it out, I personally don't see anything wrong with that, infact, that's one of the reasons why, ideally, couples choose to announce their commitment to marry each other in the presence of witnesses, in order to help reinforce in their minds that there's a lot at stake, and to give the union a stamp of seriousness and legitimacy. If anything, that pressure can positively motivate a couple to take their vows more seriously, so long as it's not one-sided, that is. IMO, due to its importance and indispensible nature to society, there ought to be a certain sense of duty and obligation on a married couple to do all they can to keep the marriage together -- note that I said the couple, not just the wife. And if societal pressure, atleast to some degree, can inspire that, then I see nothing with it.


O.k, let's back up here for a minute. Maybe na me no understand you correctly ni o, but it seems your position is beginning to sound more like your grouse is really against the idea/institution of marriage itself, and not domestic abuse/violence against women in marriage. Come, have you seen these naija spousal homicide stats you alluded to? Now, I'm not disputing that such a stat/demography exists, but the jury's still out on that. Besides, in my experience, african women are not as docile as you're making them out to seem. Yes, they do endure way more than their western counterparts in marriage, but they do so as an act of selflessness and nothing else, and make no mistake about it, MOST OF THEM DO NOT NEED TO BE EDUCATED BY THE WEST ON THEIR 'RIGHTS' IN MARRIAGE, nor do they need a 'voice', coz they've always had one. And yes, a lot of them do end up divorcing their husbands. But atleast they do so only AFTER all attempts to save the marriage have been exhausted. MY family, like most other naija families I know, will not put up with an inlaw that batters any of my sisters. The fruits of the west's women's lib hokum are there for everyone to see, if anything the drive's only created new problems and failed to solve or deter domestic violence. Perhaps our experiences differ, but the fact that america has laws that are meant to protect women from battery and domestic violence hasn't stopped it from occuring.

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"I spit phrases that thrill you..." -- someborri

Lets hope that doesnt happen with these kids
They African descends and as Africans We protect our own and a community raise a child. I will be shocked if these kids end up in foster care, when family members exist in this country. Its not like they will have to take care of them out of pocket. They will financially supported somehow. I pray the Naija community in MD or church community support them - even if emotionally. I pray she had left a life insurance. A mother dying is uncomparable to a father dying - A mother is everything. I feel for these kids so much. My heart and prayer goes out to them, the younger ones may never understand.

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My views expressed are against the domestic abuse SILENTLY suffered by a lot of african women, and NOT the institution of marriage. They suffer silently, and then the minute they are liberated into a system were they dont have to take rubbish, they are out of that home so fast. Thats why you see so many women in apparently "happy" marriages back home, jumping ship when they move to the US. These women arent docile in the least. They just go with the flow back home so that our society wont brand them as "that woman who no fit stay for im husband house"!!On the flip side, Men also suffer that same emotional abuse, when they are married to the wrongest person who makes their lives a living hell.

Now if you take away that escape and liberation the US social and legal system awards you, then these couples I icited above, stick it out and slowly build resentment. I dont need to give you viable stats about the number of spousal homicides, or really bad violent stories in marriages back home, its all around me. A day doesnt go by when I dont pick up the newspaper were someone picks up a gun, matchete, acid etc to finish off his spouse. Or reading stories about women using otakpiakpia, knives etc to kill off theirhusbands. Some just cut their balls off in the middle of the night. My point is in all these cases, you can clearly trace a history of violence or just simply a longsuffering unhappy marriage as clear causes. If this is the case, shouldnt those erstwhile partners have given up the farce and seperated to live on their own. Me thinks yes, cos in the long run their offspring will still have able bodied parents for support, instead of that legacy of one parent murdered by the other! That LAfem, is the essence of my argument, you get me now?

@Kikis: I see your point, it's just that the majority of immigrant marriages that fail after arriving in this parts aren't necessarily casualties of domestic violence, as you seem to think. Truth is that some women arrive here and selfishly take undue advantage of a faulty and damaged legal system that promotes/rewards a culture of divorce, a system that many americans increasingly acknowledge is cause for concern. I'm very much in favor of divorce in special cases, especially where the life and general wellbeing of a spouse is endangered a result of abuse, but only as a last resort.

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"I spit phrases that thrill you..." -- someborri

However, it still not as easy as you make out to seem, especially when there is property or children involved.

Most of the people that I have come across getting a divorce are people who have put A LOT of effort into the marriage. It is usually people who have been married over 10, 20, 30 years. I have not yet meet people who just want to divorce because they love paying alimony or child support, dividing their hard-earned money & property, or paying legal & court fees.

Furthermore, as long as you not in that marriage, you really don't know how some people do suffer.

Agreed. And I was just highlighting that the odds of a domestic squabble between a naija-based couple turning deadly are just as high or even higher than a naija couple based abroad.

The odds are probably higher in naija because the male perps know full well that they can most likely walk away after 'settling' the police [unless the woman's family revert to vigilante action] and in many cases, the murder will even be hushed up supposedly for the kids sake.