Saturday, March 17, 2007
You have a fair idea what we think of Nollywood. Last week in Quintessential Nollywood, you got a full dose from Kaine Agary. Apologies to those who missed it as AIRTIME wasn’t available in the Thisday Saturday, Abuja edition. By the way, Nollywood here includes Yoruwood, Kaniwood and any woods yet undiscovered. So, those who fancy themselves better than Nollywood should find another platform. We could write hilarious bestsellers about Nollywood. Still we watch Nollywood, knowing what we know. Saying what we say. Why? Could be the fact that Nollywood is us-quintessentially Nigerian. Or the lack of (capacity for) subtlety of award-winning proportions. Its predictability. Sometimes, its very deliberate lack of depth.
But I still had to ask myself this question the other day while watching ‘Ola, the morning sun’, on the Africa Magic channel. Here I am, watching a film I can safely predict and write its entire script but yet waiting to see it to the end. Here’s the story: Olanma (Stephanie Okereke) is the princess who has fallen in love with a poor commoner, played by Nonso Diobi. Her father, the Igwe (Pete Edochie) and mother (Rita Edochie) are totally against this relationship. Even if I stopped here, I’m pretty sure you would fill in the rest of the story. Pete Edochie displays the familiar ‘edochiesque’ rage. With his beards nearly jumping out of the screen, you can feel the ‘lion’s’ anger. Only people like us say things like ‘feel the lion’s anger’. Edochie, proud of his BBC roots invents a new pronunciation for princess (prin-cess as in recess) pronouncing it as if it were the name of a disease. Rita Edochie is the picture of docility with us knowing how worthless a woman’s opinion is when it comes to running an African family.
The story doesn’t deviate from the unwritten script. As we all know (and as Edochie who has played the rich unyielding father in at least five films), the poor lover boy or girl goes through hell and eventually love triumphs. Knowing this therefore, why did I want to give up valuable sleep? Perhaps to let off steam, I’d taken time off the film to rave (to anyone unfortunate to be within ear shot) about bad acting, lack of believability especially in the costuming. Haven’t you noticed than everyone dresses the same in these epic or period films? At what particular point in our lives did women go about with two slips for wrappers, one conveniently short enough to sustain the sexual interest? My mother who would have been 70 this year didn’t meet much of this. So, just how many centuries ago are our films focusing on?
Did women really paint themselves that much or only for ceremonial occasions? Did people wear these same clothes to the farm too? Must be why malaria dealt with us. Imagine gallivanting in those dense forests with all kinds of insects feeding fat off our bodies.
This just supports the notion that we are not a very practical people. But I find that hard to believe. I think someone did a successful film using these costumes and in the true bandwagon ‘molue’ effect, everyone else followed. The only way to show life before ‘civilisation’ now is by dressing characters in bits of wrappers, bare foot, looking more like an exhibition of African maidens or something than a real movie which should tell a specific story. This would mean of course no two stories would be too similar.
The beauty of Nollywood is that the films are conveniently undated and not situated or located in any period or region. That way, no overzealous historian or researcher can disprove any misplaced facts.
Phew. I said all of that and more yet still hung around waiting for the film to end. Until nature won and I had to sleep. In the end, after all my ‘grammar’, I half expect Nollywood’s predictability. I really don’t want any intellectual gymnastics which many foreign films thrive in. My most frequent complaint about Nollywood films used to be their slow pace. There’s so much ‘go-slow’ one can go to the kitchen, cook, eat and you won’t have missed much of the story. But that’s also a strength. It’s okay in commercials to say: ‘blink and you’ll miss something’.
But as a viewer, after a hard day at work, and after bursting pipes to get fuel for the generator (figuratively), the last thing I want is a film with no discernible line of thought. Of course, I expect to blink, even steal a few winks. Are you clearer about why YOU watch Nollywood?
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