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Why do Nigeria Men lie to marry American Women

Discussion in 'Love, Marriage, the Sexes' started by bollyd, Aug 4, 2006.

  1. bollyd

    bollyd moda b4 moda!

    I met a Nigerian guy in 1981 a cab driver that I later married in 1982. He seems nice, or I thought he was. We both attended college, I had my own place and quite independent, he introduced me to a couple of his friend whom he lived with, (which I couldn’t understand), I felt then something was wrong.

    We’d talk about the future, our relationship, school, oh he said all the right things a naïve girl then like myself wanted to hear, this guy persuades me in one of the most unholy ways to marry him all that year, he assumed we’d come to a point in the relationship, we could, I’d never receive a proposal before from any of my too few relationship before, it made me feel this was the beginning of a wonderful life and show my discriminating relatives my worth. or so I truly thought. I didn’t want to lose him or the opportunity to broaden myself. An African husband and children! We‘d moved to his country and share our families, but I knew this was happening rather quick, something in the back of my mind told me to beware. I didn’t listen.

    He lead me to believe he really loved me, and would tell me often, but his real motive was to become an American citizen to bring his wife over after he got rid of me, and avoid my suspicion. After we got married in the court house, he didn’t want a wedding, I couldn’t understand why not, his friends wives told me he wanted to marry me to gain his citizenship and that a lot of American girls were doing it, he quickly became distant toward me, he never wanted to visit or socialize with my family, friends, and refused to attend my gradation from college the same year.

    And like the writer in the article “Can He Love Me, 7/25/06 posting, he quickly found little things to argue and be upset about to only move out after about 3-6 months of marriage and living together. What really incredible is, we conceived a son, which he denied, he quickly moved me to another city where I ended up living on my own 8 years later, recently I found out he divorced me and claimed he didn’t know where I was to let me know he wanted a divorce, what I don’t understand is, why would he want a divorce when it was him who left and abandoned me and has never looked into the eyes of his son, (or paid child support) he had his friends to tell me he’d moved back to Nigeria.

    This guy completely overwhelmingly charmed and deceived me to marry him for and to gain citizenship in this country, and then he brought his Nigerian wife, whom I didn’t know he even had to America after he disposed of me.
    I was too in love to see his kind of deceit, oh I’ve had relationship where my partner wasn’t always honest, at least I knew what to look for there, but he took advantage of me in the worst way, and we have a handsome, strong son 24 yrs old in his 3 year of law school at Texas A&M, and recently tested as a prodigy

    Only problem is he’d like to meet his father and I don’t know what to do, I have his address and have talked to him on the phone once in 2005 for the first time since 1984, when I tried to tell him his son would like to meet him, he replied” Oh no, no, no don’t start this, ” he said I was trying to destroy his family.
    Should I put my son in touch with his Dad, or let it ride? I owe it to my baby to finally be honest about his father, and I need the closure to move on with my life now that my son is about to take a wife for his future. I’m so hurt and feel stupid about this whole thing, I married for love, he did for citizenship, Why Do Nigerian men lie to gain citizenship in this country, I don’t understand, I feel cheated out of a first wedding, my son, out of a father.

    My question is : what would you do if you are the Lady?

  2. Abike

    Abike :)

    O ga o!

    Naija men are under siege.....
  3. Ayesha

    Ayesha InaAni - Classic Beauty

  4. samira

    samira Guest

    @ highlighted....when something is too good to be true, you follow your instincts sha. sad story though and a bit complicated.
  5. ogonna

    ogonna Master Group

    Put the boy in touch with his deadbeat daddy and let the bugger sweat it out. If he tries to play smart, show up on his door-step with your son.
  6. zenke

    zenke New Member

    Some men get mind sha!!!
  7. chi

    chi I am blessed

    that was very heart less of the guy , he could have gone into arrangee marriage paid for it and saved the lady her heart.....it's a pity but it all b/c of (ewaa), akwuko oji, akukwo nso etc etc paper , papers..... the american system is not helping africans too. They come in hear they want to be honest and do legit things but it's hard while the mexicans trip in and have it so easy
  8. Spanky Girl

    Spanky Girl Master Group

    If de son is willin why not but she shd let de son know de kind of fada he has.
  9. bollyd

    bollyd moda b4 moda!

    And go for DNA
  10. dododudu

    dododudu Guest

    Maybe he is scared of past child support :roll!!!

    Anyway, I feel its a sad thing to marry under deception, unless you both agree on that and have all cards face up on the table. Cos the victim gets hurt, and may be emotionally damage forever!
  11. Gen Sani Abacha

    Gen Sani Abacha SUPREME DICTATOR

  12. blackbutterfly

    blackbutterfly Well-Known Member

    I am sorry about your dilemma, there are a lot of men out there who are wolves in sheep's clothing. I am sorry that you were taken advantage of in the worse way and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive him. Do not let this cloud your life and prevent you from moving on because if you do then he has won.

    Your son is a grown up young man now and if he wants to meet his father which is his right then I would suggest that you give him whatever information you have at your disposal i.e phone number, address, email etc and step out of the picture. If you allow yourself to get involved then you will end up unearthing emotions that you might not want to tackle presently. Facilitate the meeting and let your son see for himself what this sperm donor is like because anything coming from you will be viewed as contaminated. He will show his true color but let him hang himself with his own hands. Do endeavor to talk about his father with him without bitterness and let him make the decision for himself if he wants this coward in his life. The only sad thing is that if he has other children then your son has missed out on knowing his siblings.

    You have done a great job in making a life for you and your son and THAT in and of itself is VICTORY.

    God bless and send his Comforter to keep your head and heart above water.
  13. Multioption

    Multioption Master Group

    I wonder why my brothers mortgage their lives for residence permit!

    Asan olori bobo okunrin!!
  14. angeleyez

    angeleyez angeleyez

    I can't believe I'm agreeing with you on this one.....the guy used me for his papers better believe suffereth not does not apply to his ***....bobo go see the son o whether he likes it or not.
  15. yama

    yama ~~Y@m@licious~~

    neatly arranged.love dat

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