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Drive Through ATM Procedures

Discussion in 'GAMES, JOKES, STUFF' started by Sola, Jul 4, 2004.

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  1. Sola

    Sola Administrator
    Staff Member

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    Drive through

    Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "Drive-through" cash point machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

    Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them for when you use the machine for the first time.

    MALE PROCEDURE

    1 Drive up to the cash machine.
    2 Wind down your car window.
    3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
    6 Wind up window
    7 Drive off

    FEMALE PROCEDURE

    1 Drive up to cash machine
    2 Reverse the required amount to align car window to machine
    3 Re-start the stalled engine
    4 Wind down the window
    5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    6 Turn the radio down
    7 Attempt to insert card into machine
    8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
    distance from the car
    9 Insert card
    10 Re-insert card the right way up
    11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    12 Enter PIN.
    13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    14 Enter amount of cash required
    15 check make-up in rear view mirror, while waiting.
    16 Retrieve cash and receipt
    17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
    18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
    19 Look into rear view mirror at person behind, Re-check make-up.
    20 Drive forwards 2 meters
    21 Reverse back to cash machine
    22 Retrieve card
    23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
    24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
    25 Drive for 2 to 3 km's
    26 Release handbrake
     
  2. robeta_021

    robeta_021 Well-Known Member

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    lmao :roll :roll
     
  3. oluyemi11

    oluyemi11 Member

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    Haba, Why Ratio 7 To 26?
     
  4. Cudaze

    Cudaze Active Member

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    Ha ha. Sounds like you have been watching me when I go to the bank!!!! :p
     
  5. Hubscrown

    Hubscrown Well-Known Member

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    MALE PROCEDURE

    * 1 Drive up to the cash machine.

    * 2 Put down your car window.

    * 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    * 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    * 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    * 6 Put window up.

    * 7 Drive off.


    FEMALE PROCEDURE

    * 1 Drive up to cash machine.

    * 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.

    * 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.

    * 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.

    * 5 Turn the radio down.

    * 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.

    * 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.

    * 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

    * 9 Insert card.

    * 10 Re-insert card the right side up

    * 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    * 12 Enter PIN.

    * 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    * 14 Enter amount of cash required.

    * 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.

    * 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.

    * 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    * 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.

    * 19 Re-check make-up again.

    * 20 Drive forwards 2 feet.

    * 21 Reverse back to cash machine.

    * 22 Retrieve card. :happy024:

    * 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

    * 24 Ignore the honking from the irate male drivers queuing behind.

    * 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    * 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    * 27 Release Parking Brake:eek:

    This is sad :609:
     
  6. Ayesha

    Ayesha InaAni - Classic Beauty

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    Its not sad...:1087:
     
  7. paj

    paj D JENGBORAN OF YORUBALAND

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    ..all women are blonde...sport-s:
     
  8. Sifu

    Sifu Well-Known Member

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    All men are blonder
     
  9. Abike

    Abike Well-Known Member

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    And all PaJs are stooopid! :(
     
  10. NTB

    NTB Well-Known Member

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    New Drive Through Bank

    A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

    MALE PROCEDURE
    ...
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. Put down your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Put window up.

    7. Drive off.

    FEMALE PROCEDURE

    1. Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

    23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.
     
  11. Village-Boi

    Village-Boi Well-Known Member

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    Hahahahahahahahahahaha. You don kill me with laff!!
     
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