heavy naija jokes

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British Bayo
Bayo decided that the best way to get ahead in Jandon (London) was to speak like the Jandonese.

He played BBC radio all the time repeating the 'pho-ne' sotey friends began to find his new telephone voice difficult to decipher. If it wasn't 'Whaszup mate' or it was "wetin happs' mate".

One day im wife charge as he asked his father-in-law on the phone 'things hard in Nigeria, init (isn't it)? God dey, mate'.

One day laik dis the spiri-spiri grammatical hook Bayo for throat. He walked into the Job centre to hunt for a third job when he suddenly took great offense at the way a particular job was advertised.

He stormed to the counter and began to shout. "Why does your advert say - Want a job init?. Is it because we are black you use such street lingo. Change that nonsense advert now-now mate!".

Other black guys joined the protest after hearing Bayo. Small time the Oyinbo manager come lead Bayo et al go the advert.

The manager read the advert out loud "Want a job in IT ?" (information technology). No be lie, shame catch Bayo took much. All he could say was "Sorry mate".

Na wa!

Baba Agba
An old man traveled to London to visit his children.

One chilly day he decided to take a stroll down Oxford Street. Unfortunately while on his stroll it started raining quite heavily and he decided to take shelter under a store canopy.

While under the canopy, an Englishman who was passing by tried to be friendly to the old man shivering under the canopy.

Here's what happened.

Englishman: Cold ain't it?

Baba Agba: "Ori re ko da! Baba re lo ni shobu ni?
(Translation: " You must be sick in the head, is this your father's shop" ?)

Baba Agba said this because the way the Englishman spoke, he thought he had said "Kuro nihin"
(Translation: Get away from there!)

A professor of English at ABU (Ahmadu Bello University) Zaria was lecturing his English majors on rhyming techniques but was having a bad day.

In frustration he shouted "Did you lot not do O-level English or what ? Now, I want everyone in this lecture hall to say something that rhymes with the following phrase.

`Poor man can not get farrrrr, because he has no carrrrrr`!"

First out was Uche but he could not rhyme."You foolish Igbo boy and you call yourself an undergraduate"

Uche asked if he could call on a friend to help and prof agreed.

Uche called in Ibo "Emeka , bia ne baaaaa" ."Fantastic" screamed the prof."Good rhyme !"

Next came Ochuko but he couldn't rhyme . "Useless Usobo wayo boy. And you call yourself an english major. What town do you hail from sef ?".

"Ochuko answered "Abrakaaaaa". "Fantastic. Oh what a good rhyme !"said the prof pating Ochuko on his back.

Next was Haruna who hailed from the prof's own Kano state.

"Go on boy, let's show these 'I too know' southerners how it's done".

Unfortunately Haruna couldn't rhyme and prof lost his temper and released a hot slap on poor Haruna who then said "Ye, I feel sick"

Prof grew most annoyed "What did you eat that's making you sick?"

Haruna said "Tuo sin ca faaaaaaa"

"Brilliant!" screamed prof ."Good rhyme my brother!"

Last on was a Lagos Bobo called Prince Oluwatomi Hillfiger. He swaggered to the front with full aplomp and said "Professor, ke simmer down jo. I no fit rhyme natin' "

Prof grew very angry."You useless Eko show off. Gerrout of my class if you can't think of a rhyme!"

Oluwatomi packed his books and made for the door but suddenly stopped and turned round smiling. "Professor. O ri e ko daaaaaaa" he said and returned to his seat.
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