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Marrying From Home

Discussion in 'LOVE, MARRIAGE, THE SEXES' started by aamad12, Mar 29, 2005.

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  1. jamaicayute

    jamaicayute Naija Movie Lovah

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    You know what? I wrote this long epistle to answer you but I won't. All I will say is I am here to have fun, not curry favour or look friends.
    In your zeal to critisize you have missed my point which is in life none of us really have any control over our circumstance how we will really end up.
    BTW did you know that worldwide noone has more women than a taxi driver?
     
  2. KikisMuffin

    KikisMuffin I no get ya time!!

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    And it goes on and on......
     
  3. Obariba

    Obariba Koininonia

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    He wasnt sounding like an ***....he responded to an *** sounding post ...thats all !!!
     
  4. ogonna

    ogonna Active Member

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    @ dishonourable

    kindly get off my case and stop dawging me from thread to thread. that's how you jumped on my comments about igbo marketers without taking into account that ogonna is an igbo name. if you have a problem with my mode of expression, just skip over my comments in future

    @estella and co.

    if una like, you can reduce my comments to being motivated by rejection by women at naija parties etc. i continue to stress that all those over-30s who continually gather in witches' covens in the corner at naija parties will mostly likely never see husband until they change their ways, leave that corner and mix-up

    everyone is free to marry anywhere they like. but they are not free to knock other people's choices. that you prefer to date/marry a naija man in america is not a license for you to constantly denigrate those men who CHOOSE to go home to marrry. its their right to marry where they like just like it is yours to marry where you please without having anyone query your decision.

    how many times have you ever heard of naija men complaining that a naija woman went back to naija to marry? why then are so many of you so obsessed with the issue of naija men going home to marry? did you buy any man's ticket to come to america? why then do you want to dictate where he should marry?

    pls note that i neva said ALL naija women in america are unmarriageable while the women in naija are angels.

    i simply said that those naija women in america who go about praying fervently for the collapse of marriages btw diasporan men and home-based women and then go about constantly re-cycling their stale horror stories about such marriages in vindication of their singlehood are nothing more than wicked, ugly and unmarriageable women. Here I stand.
     
  5. Sola

    Sola Administrator
    Staff Member

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    What's wrong with anyone going anywhere to marry sef? No be hin choice? All dis carry-big-hat people sef...Each wo/man to his own o.
     
  6. amamellow

    amamellow Well-Known Member

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    am just seeing this, the deal is most of these men go back home and marry women who are not in their class,



    for example an illiterate comes abroad and is working in mcdonalds, goes back home and expect people to see him as a "big man "

    because he has been abroad , and as we all know most people go back home and pretend they are living comfortably,

    he start chasing girls who are not in his "class", finally finds a wife , and bring this woman abroad , after sometime the woman just cannot stand the man , and she just waka go,:roll to me i think thats the problem, go back home and look for somebody who loves you not for you being abroad and please do not go and pretend you are somebody else
     
  7. bnf84ofDakar

    bnf84ofDakar Active Member

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    huum . i don't see anything wrong with marrying from home or anywhere else. for the cab driver just know thing of # charges tend to attract each other so cab driver and a MBA can definetly work. for instance me many people think i will leave my man when i finish school cause he won't be as educated as i'm, but false to me there is no educated man out there who can surpass him. he has everything that i need in a man cause he is honest, loving and hard working..................
     
  8. chi

    chi I am blessed

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    haaaaaa dis thread is very interesting
     
  9. jamaicayute

    jamaicayute Naija Movie Lovah

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    :1087: My head to figure out what class I fit into.
     
  10. chi

    chi I am blessed

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    I particularly loved what OluM and Angel said still i wouldn't write off estella and Lola Americana because reading through their lines they made sense it all depend on the angle you want to state your opinion

    now make i talk my own side

    I would always prefer you meeting your partner in your environment but this is not always the norm and so if you have to fly let it be for a genuine cause

    to be honest if after my school I didn't meet a man like my man whose pocket, mind and head is correct na naija i for put head ...... they sure have more clean guys there and it's easier to mingle without needing much assistance , also the guys there can move up the ladder faster than the men over here except they are professionals with their own legitimate rolling business then they can meet that quota uncle Sola mentioned in another thread b/4 clocking 40(Millionaires club).................. , if man fit go home why not woman for the ladies you have to be ready to give up and I see nothing wrong with that...... after all the naija men sef they get more crisps to burn



    * another thing i've observed most solid guys i 've met over here don't often go back it's usually the riff rats
     
  11. Obariba

    Obariba Koininonia

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    Sorry link unavailable ...enjoy TD Jakes !!

    Turn in your Bible to Psalm 65:4 (I'm reading from the New King James Bible). It says, Blessed is the man you choose and causes to approach you. That he may dwell in your courts and shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house...

    Pastor T.D. Jakes made a statement once that was morbid but SO true! He said that when choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself whether or not that person is the one you would want to hold your hand as you are lowering your parents' bodies into the grave for the last time. Ladies, that is serious. Meditate on that for a few seconds. Your entire perspective in terms of what you are searching for in a mate should be based on that one question.

    Are you dating? Think about your boyfriend. Is he seriously the one you would want holding your hands during the darkest hours of your life? Look even deeper. Is your present boyfriend the type who would offer you assistance during the time of grief? Believe it or not, there are numerous men out here who offer absolutely NO comfort to hurting women. And no, it does not matter whether they are married to those women or not!

    I wish you could see some of the personal letters this site receives from married women. Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However, the ones who are not happy are absolutely miserable. There is no in-between. Either you are happy in a marriage or you are not. There are married women writing saying that their husbands never show authentic affection towards them, never offer expressions of love for them. That is real ladies. Because it is so real, God desires that women are exceptionally careful when choosing a mate. Notice I did not say that women should FIND a mate! I said "choose". There is a huge difference. Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 18:22. It says that He who finds a wife finds a good thing... Interpretation:! MEN find women. Women should not be out trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once found, the woman can then choose to be with the man or to wait to be found by a different man.

    WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN CHOOSING A MATE:

    Proverbs 20:6 states, Who can find a faithful man? The fact that the question is asked is indicative of the fact that there are not many faithful men out there. However, there is good news. The good news is that JESUS knows where the faithful men are!

    Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary offers several excellent definitions of the word faithful:

    FAITHFUL:

    a. Steadfast in affection or allegiance

    b. Loyal

    c. Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty

    d. Conscientious

    The scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find. God is saying that it is hard to find a man with the qualities in letters a, b, c, and d. However, wouldn't you love to have a man with the qualities listed above? They are rare, ladies. But GOD knows where such men are located.

    Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scriptures state, For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

    STOP! Now go back and re-read that passage. God is offering us a blueprint on what to look for in a mate. Let's pick that scripture apart.

    1. The husband is head of the wife - That means that you need to choose a man who is born-again. He also needs to be a man under whose authority you will feel comfortable submitting. It is dangerous to submit to the authority of a man who is not saved or who does not have a relationship with God.

    2. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church - That is a tough one ladies! Look at the degree to which God loves His Church! He died for the Church (the entire body of Christ). How does God love us? He is respectful to the Church. He is intimate with the Church. He is kind and patient and nurturing to the Church. Those are the qualities you need to search for when determining who to marry.

    3. The husband must sanctify and cleanse and wash his wife with the Word of God - Again, only a born-again man can wash you with the Word of God (scriptures). Think about the dating ritual. Boy meets girl, they date, start to care deeply, and the subject of sex pops up.

    Question: HOW will the man handle it?

    God says that it is the responsibility of the man to see to it that he presents a woman clean and holy. If he is fornicating with her, how can he present her as clean and holy? Sex outside of the marriage bond is dirty. Therefore, if you find yourself with a man trying to fornicate with you, you have the wrong man.

    God says that He presents the Church (His bride!) without spot or wrinkle or blemish. Your future husband must present you at the altar without spot or wrinkle or blemish. Furthermore, even if you become weak and want to fornicate, he must be able to WASH you with God's Word. He is responsible for you! Ladies, this is important. Please listen so that you don't end up miserable.

    BECOMING ONE:

    In Ephesians 5:31 the scriptures state that For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church...

    God hates divorce. However, He also hates abuse. God does not want you being psychologically abused or tormented. He does not want you physically abused. And He certainly does not want you disrespected by a man committing adultery against you.

    Too many women in this country, in their quest for a man, are settling with men who are not worthy of them. The reason so many women are in unhappy marriages is because they latched onto the wrong man to please society or family or friends. Now they are stuck with a mean or unaffectionate or abusive wrong mate.

    Sister it is not too late for you. If you pick the right man from the beginning, you won't end up hurt and miserable (or divorced).

    Listen carefully. GOD says that when you marry, you become ONE with that person. God no longer sees you as separate but He sees you and your husband as ONE person. We cannot fully comprehend it because God says it's a great mystery!

    Think about your boyfriend. Do you see yourself becoming ONE with him? Can you imagine your soul being linked with his until death? If you have problems after marriage it's because something was broken before marriage (that was obviously ignored).

    If you do not have a boyfriend yet, GREAT! Now you know what to look for! When you marry, your soul becomes linked with your husband's. Too many women are getting married multiple times.

    God is not pleased with that. He sees it as adultery. It is His will that we marry once, create a family with that one person, and be happy...ecstatic in that marriage.

    The scriptures also state that the man shall leave his parents. Check out the family of the man that you are considering marrying! Are they always leaning on him, trying to borrow his money? Are you in agreement with them always calling him to the house to take care of their personal problems? Guess what? It won't end after marriage. If he is giving them money now, he will continue after marriage. If his family is leaching off of him now, they will after marriage. The question is, can you handle it? If not, now is the time to discuss the problem. Don't wait.

    There are too many men who refuse to leave their father and mother. There are too many women who refuse to leave their parents. Extended families are famous for breaking up marriages. NOW is the time to get the problems straight.

    Finally, how attracted are you to your future husband? Please do not marry a man if there is even a shadow of a doubt that you are totally attracted to him physically. Also, men, do not marry a women if you are not totally physically attracted to her. Too many women lose their husbands because after marriage they stop having sex. The reason many women stop having sex is because their husbands are cold, rude, and abusive. If you are married to a man who has the qualifications of the "faithful man" listed above in this article, you will be attracted to him forever, emotionally and physically! Women who don't want sex with their husbands are women who married the wrong man. PLEASE ladies; don't marry the wrong man. Wait.

    In Solomon 3:4 it is said, I found him whom my soul loves. The reason she found the one whom her soul loves is because she was PATIENT!

    Luke 21:19 says, In your patience possess ye your soul. The interpretation of that for a single woman is that if you are patient, you will meet the one whom your soul loves.
     
  12. Honourable

    Honourable Mr. Naijarules!

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    @ogo-nne

    No one is on ur "case" or "dawging" you (I honestly doubt ur worth the time), but the situation is very simple: you incessantly respond to threads with very bold statements and when certain people respond to it for what it really is: GARBAGE, you get hysterical...
    Secondly, ur "mode of expression" probably reflects the type of person you are, so NO I don't particularly have a problem with it...it befits ur persona...I'm sure you can't help it...
    Thirdly, don't even get me started with the "just skip over my comments in the future" junk, Honourable will respond to any comment Honourable wants to respond to! Ok!
     
  13. chi

    chi I am blessed

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    obariba thanks for the sunday tonic
     
  14. lola_americana

    lola_americana i'M bRinGinG sExYBacK!!!!

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    on pointgrinning:
     
  15. samira

    samira Guest

    Preach it sis:bouncy
     
  16. samira

    samira Guest

    @ highlighted. I noticed that of him too. A very nice thread but it had to turn to unnecessary insults.:eek: :eek: :smilies23
     
  17. KikisMuffin

    KikisMuffin I no get ya time!!

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    Samira, longest timeaction-s: ! Are those your twin babies?

    Nah love thread yu come enter straight! Nah wah oh!smokin:
     
  18. samira

    samira Guest

    I do not post but i have been reading sha...posting keeps you here for long...i came for an hour and I am closing up to two already...make i get out and grab some textbooks now...i actually came to wish my girl Kaymax a happy b'day...errrm, not that i have not done so on the phone...(lol...so it is just an excuse to come to NR....shoot me):roll

    lemme get out of here now...will call you over the weekend kiss...smooches:)

    ps...no it is the same baby girl in both pictures, my lovely niece now.
     
  19. Ekwi

    Ekwi Member

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    hey, this question is a dicy one. all i want to say is that wether u go to naija to take a wife or ur base be it London/America infact it can be two naijas in abroad if she wants to do the man bad, it will happen. the law in the western world favour women especially in London, It only take a twinkle of an eye for it to happen. Just be wise in your choice, be smart and let God and love decide ur future partner.
     
  20. olofofogal

    olofofogal Let d smoke carry d point

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    At thirty-five, and almost past the age most Nigerian women would have settled into matrimonial homes -- with one or two kids -- she was just starting out. Well read, well mannered and with an array of diplomas from two Ivy League institutions, she was steadily climbing the American corporate ladder. She is also unusual in that she is one of those who had not had her heart severely broken, and her faith in men shaken. However, how she got into the traps and tricks of a run of the mill Nigerian remain the talk of the town in my neighborhood. Sadly, she is not alone. There are thousands of men and women like her who get taken, and used as a free ride to the UK, Canada and the US.


    Today, a sizeable number of Nigerians who return home for a spouse do so at their own peril. Danger and deceit abound as marriages have become business ventures. Poverty, unmet needs and desperation are the force behind why the vast majority of those who are propositioned agree to say “I do.” Coming to America is a ticket, an investment that may yield countless returns and benefits for in-laws. Rare is the woman or man that would reject, say, an American-based suitor -- not minding whether the suitor is financially able, educated, or a product of a good home and of good moral character. Or whether there is an iota of rapport. What matters, what really matters, is the destination: to escape the poverty and fetidities in their lives.


    Believe it or not, Nigerian metropolitan areas and campuses of higher education are a breeding ground for semi and professional prostitutes, and for call-girls and gigolos who would not have survived the harsh Nigerian economic landscape -- save for the services they render money-bags, sugar daddies and sugar mommies and politicians and rogues. It is from this puddle that most return to find partners. You see, these are men and women who are used to being pampered. Their wants and needs are taken care of. Most do not have legal means of income other than the sexual and sex-related services they provide. See for instance, areas in and around UI, UNILAG, UNIBEN, UNIJOS, UNIPORT, NSUKKA, LASU, EKPOMA, and ABU and the rest.


    The really affluent ones even take summer vacation abroad. They vacation in Germany, France, the UK, South Africa, and the United States and wherever else that may catch their fancy. Some have seen the world three times over. Most have tasted the best food and the best wine money can buy. They wear the best clothes from Milan and all spots in between. They have the cars and jewelries and fat bank account to show for their deeds. Spoiled and rotten; yet, it is from this pool that many struggling Nigerians return to marry from. Sadly, most of such marriages do not survive for long.


    But really, what does a struggling Nigerian have to offer a woman who have seen it all and done it all? By the time they get here, the novelty and wonder of sex and relationship would long have dissipated. And most of the spouses would come to meet their partners in a one or two-bedroom apartment, driving a jalopy, working the grave-yard shift; and working just to pay the bills. Seeing all these “abnormalities” would make them wonder “which kind yeye life this asshole dey live sef?” And they would call their colleagues (back home) to complain and wonder why they fell for a struggling laggard.



    True, some would adjust and accept their fate and make do with what they have. They will “cool down,” cooperate, and plan their future in concert with their spouses. Others would feel bitter, feel betrayed and start scheming. With their greencard or citizenship in hand, they will take flight. Whether they stay or not -- for most of these spouses -- their primarily goal becomes how to take care of their mom and dad and siblings.

    For those who fail to understand, and fail to work around the harsh reality of life in the West (especially in America), depression and bitterness will set in. Some will feel trapped and die a slow death. Others will find ways to kill or maim their spouses.


    That is life. Life in the West. Life in America. As I said a while back, “America is the land of God and gods, a land for the believers and non-believers. It is a land of dream merchants, of fabulists, tale-spinners; and of high and low achievers. It is also a land of pipedreams, broken dreams and untold anguishes.”


    Sabidde@yahoo.com
    http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/sabella-o-abidde/the-economy-of-nigerian-marriages.html
     
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