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MATURE: 40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women

Discussion in 'LOVE, MARRIAGE, THE SEXES' started by Nkechi, Apr 8, 2004.

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  1. Nkechi

    Nkechi New Member

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    1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
    Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her
    feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
    cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of
    foreplay.

    2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
    Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
    difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to
    extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

    3) NOT SHAVING.
    You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you
    rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

    4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
    Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they
    get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

    5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
    Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're
    trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive.
    They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your
    tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a doggie toy isn't.

    6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
    Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
    thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on
    the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

    7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
    A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
    West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

    8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
    Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
    fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask
    her to take the damn things off.

    9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
    Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

    10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
    Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along
    side of the clitoris.

    11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
    Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they
    plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep
    going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

    12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
    Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
    waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant
    present, not a kid's toy.

    13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
    Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the
    material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

    14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
    Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still
    believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there
    than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in
    principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
    away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of
    her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

    15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
    You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in
    the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

    16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
    Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move
    toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

    17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
    A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

    18) GOING TOO FAST.
    When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can
    do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an
    assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
    with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

    19) GOING TOO HARD.
    If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach,
    the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
    seconds.

    20) COMING TOO SOON.
    Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites
    of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

    21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
    It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the
    mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina.
    At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her
    interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

    22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
    You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you
    really don't know, don't ask

    23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
    Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
    down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her
    clitoris.

    24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
    Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
    will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about
    three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to
    use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

    25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
    Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes
    it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do
    what's necessary.

    26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
    Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
    there. And don't grab her head.




    27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
    In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over
    them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

    28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
    Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does
    all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so
    much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

    29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
    This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow
    directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being
    drunk is an excuse.

    30) TAKING PICTURES.
    When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the
    words"__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

    31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
    Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring
    honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all
    handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

    32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
    There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

    33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
    If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a
    Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

    34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
    Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they
    have a prostate. Women don't.

    35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
    It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the
    neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and
    jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

    36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
    Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big
    turn-on.

    37) TALKING DIRTY.
    It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line.
    If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

    38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
    You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and
    she might even do the same for you.

    39) SQUASHING HER.
    Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
    heavily, she will turn blue.

    40) THANKING HER.
    Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a
    soup kitchen.
     
  2. hafseedee

    hafseedee music lover

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    Wow

    I Have To Say Wow To This One I Cant Believe That Men Make All This Mistakes Well They Are Very Stupid Mistakes Though For A Man To Make. But I Would Like To Know Other 40 Mistakes That Women Do Althoug Women Cannot Make Such Stupid Mistakes. Women Are More Careful And Experienced (i Think) So To Speak. But Seriously I Wanna Know The Women Part Because We All Make Mistakes And I Know Women Must Make Or Have Their Own Kind Of Mistakes That Men May Find Disturbing. Does Any One/man Know?
     
  3. Videoscope

    Videoscope Naija Movie Critic

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    Do they hand this out at weddings by any chance? :roll

    Or better still at secondary school to all those teenage boys getting set to unleash themselves on the female race. :p
     
  4. Tajmahal

    Tajmahal Well-Known Member

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    Nkechi, na wa oh! U be 'emotional consultant'?. Did u dub this? Is it original? If the former is true, then acknowledge the copyright owner!!! Kia kia!!!

    Nne, I dey wait oh......
     
  5. Sweetchocolate

    Sweetchocolate Omonaija tio gba gbere

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  6. Nkechi

    Nkechi New Member

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    why u think sey e funny? na serious matter , make some of these guys do some correction where necessary. :)
     
  7. Pretty Girl

    Pretty Girl Well-Known Member

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  8. Nkechi

    Nkechi New Member

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    copyright or copyleft, abeg make i see u 4 corner some amendment need to be done. :) ASP
     
  9. Tajmahal

    Tajmahal Well-Known Member

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    Nne, why you dey dodge my reply now? Answer my questions.......
     
  10. Nkechi

    Nkechi New Member

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    nna, which of ya questions cos dem plenti, copyright yes and i still dey wait 4 u.
     
  11. Sola

    Sola Administrator
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    Wetin una wan do for corner?
     
  12. Nkechi

    Nkechi New Member

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    wey wan do checklist on the issue at hand. :)
     
  13. hafseedee

    hafseedee music lover

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    nna una wey be men i think its better we start handing this out to teenagers who think they know everyhting because those rules are "wow". i mean if a man makes one mistake out of the 40 it alright but three of them would be so anoying. i dont know where nnkechi got those rules but nna d.. tin na wa wo.
     
  14. Videoscope

    Videoscope Naija Movie Critic

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    And most them are right on the button ;) :p
     
  15. Beyonce

    Beyonce MOther b4 mother

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    IMAO @ the no kissing first and bittin her nipples. :roll

    HOLLA
     
  16. Sola

    Sola Administrator
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    What? You this babe in arms! You shouldn't be reading this sort of thing. Go back to your room! ;)
     
  17. robeta_021

    robeta_021 Well-Known Member

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    lol..that's very true!
     
  18. Beyonce

    Beyonce MOther b4 mother

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    ohhhhh pls :eyes am legal to read it, by the way my room is locked.

    holla
     
  19. afrosista18

    afrosista18 love takes away fear.

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    hehhehe, i love all dem rules!!! i am in Austria, but chu kno, i gota stay in contact with Africa, y'al guys did a great job! Catherine.
     
  20. nne84

    nne84 Nwa Arochukwu

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    Mbaaaaaaaaaa.......it's too much for my immaculate ears:angel
     
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