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NR Men, I want to hear your take on this issue...

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kaymax

Well-Known Member
#1
It seems to be that Nigerian Men are more tolerant of non Nigerian woman as their spouses, why is that?

Let me elaborate. I have many friends, most of whom are married to their Nigerian counterparts, and few who are married to women of other cultures. It seems Nigerian men are more tolerant of these other womens' shortcomings than our own. For example, two couples, one married an American, the other married a Nigerian, neither women can cook, however, the one married to an American sometimes cooks, or they go out, he does not mind, the other Nigerian couple has the man is up in arms that his wifey is unable to cook. Another example, I have another friend, on his second marriage, both are attorneys, however, he has a practice, and she now wants her practice as well, he's threatening 'hell will freeze' and not under my roof BS, while his first wife, who is a Virgin Islander, started her practice and he did not have a problem with it.

My brother is married to an American, and my cousin, a Trini, both are so OK with some of the things their wives do or don't do, but if that same wife were to be a Nigerian, all hell will brake lose.

My question is: My Nigerian Brothers, why are your expectations so much more inflexible when you're married to a fellow Nigerian than if you were married to another nationality or culture? Mind you, I'm not talking stupid stuff like she does not kneel down to greet your sister or calls your sister by her name, (some Yoruba think that it is the ultimate insult if you call your husband's family by their name even if you're old enough to be their mom).

I know I will get chewed out for this question, however, please remember, it's merely a question and please Women, feel free to add or share your experience, the good, bad, and the ugly.
 

Gen Sani Abacha

Well-Known Member
#2
I suppose there general expectations of a Nigerian wife, which aren't really expected of a non-Nigerian wife. I would almost say this cuts applies to ethno-national groups as well. What might be expected of a Yoruba wife in a Yoruba family, might not be expected of an Igbo wife in a Yoruba family. Similarly, what might be expected of an Igbo wife in an Igbo family, might not be expected of an Hausa wife in an Igbo family. I think the whole thing is generally socio-cultural expectations. Take a woman of Naija origin who was born and brought up abroad ie USA, UK etc. I don't think the husband's family would place the cultural baggage of expectations on her. For these Naija men, I think if their Nigerian wives don't conform to these expectations, their respect diminishes in the eyes of Nigerian society. I know of a couple where the wife doesn't conform to the typical Naija wife expectations. The husband's family and friend went to town tarnishing her reputation, after enjoying her hospitality!

At the end of the day each to their own.
 

sidney

Well-Known Member
#4
I think the more tolerant guy, would be more tolerant regardless of who he marries. He would most likely be the same way if he married a Nigerian woman. While less tolerant Nigerian man, would probably not marry a woman, who does not meet the standard he expects. And if he did, the relationship may not last..

My brother discovered he was more Nigerian than American, even though he grew up mostly here. After dating numerous non Africans he realized they never lived up to what he expected in a wife. He eventually married a Nigerian woman. The stuff he pulls with her, would normally never fly with a non African. And the same typical demands he used to make on other women, my sister-in-law handles with ease and her own Naija love in return. She gives as good as she gets! LOL.

It would be interesting if we saw a guy be less tolerant with an African woman, then turn around and be more tolerant with a non-African, in the same circumstances..
 

kaymax

Well-Known Member
#5
I suppose there general expectations of a Nigerian wife, which aren't really expected of a non-Nigerian wife. I would almost say this cuts applies to ethno-national groups as well. What might be expected of a Yoruba wife in a Yoruba family, might not be expected of an Igbo wife in a Yoruba family. Similarly, what might be expected of an Igbo wife in an Igbo family, might not be expected of an Hausa wife in an Igbo family. I think the whole thing is generally socio-cultural expectations. Take a woman of Naija origin who was born and brought up abroad ie USA, UK etc. I don't think the husband's family would place the cultural baggage of expectations on her. For these Naija men, I think if their Nigerian wives don't conform to these expectations, their respect diminishes in the eyes of Nigerian society. I know of a couple where the wife doesn't conform to the typical Naija wife expectations. The husband's family and friend went to town tarnishing her reputation, after enjoying her hospitality!

At the end of the day each to their own.
See, I have found that not to be the case, it seems once you guys know she's Nigerian, even if she's born here, there still seems to be a skewness in the expectations. It has been my experience that expecations of a Naija born wifey and that of a yankee or European born naija wifey differ very little. Is that fair, is it even realistic?
 

Gen Sani Abacha

Well-Known Member
#6
See, I have found that not to be the case, it seems once you guys know she's Nigerian, even if she's born here, there still seems to be a skewness in the expectations. It has been my experience that expecations of a Naija born wifey and that of a yankee or European born naija wifey differ very little. Is that fair, is it even realistic?
Perhaps our experiences are very different then. I still stick with my original views, based on my experiences/observations.
Its not compulsory for all Naija/Naija-descended ladies to marry Naija men. If non-Naija men are better options, then why not go with them.
 

Sifu

Well-Known Member
#9
Ah ah...you can't just throw us that little titbit to tantalise us and make us salivate, then withdraw from serving the whole dish! Spill it joor!!!
We have discussed it here before. Somewhat. It is just one of those topics that I cannot give one sentence responses to. I suffer from longwindedness LOL. Maybe later in the afternoon when the boys lie down for a bit. Hopefully
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#10
LOL. I typed and untyped and decided to leave this thread alone.
:roll
me too. na siddon look I dey do this thread so! :D

Great points being made so far....

Only thing I remember about this matter is a Congolese lady that divorced her hubby after 7 years and 2 kids! Konk church members O! In her words: when it came to house chores, he was AN AFRICAN MAN who is the 'King' of the house. BUT when it came to paying bills and mortgage, then he turns into AMERICAN MAN who expects equal sharing of house matters (money)... lolol
 

kaymax

Well-Known Member
#11
:roll
me too. na siddon look I dey do this thread so! :D

Great points being made so far....

Only thing I remember about this matter is a Congolese lady that divorced her hubby after 7 years and 2 kids! Konk church members O! In her words: when it came to house chores, he was AN AFRICAN MAN who is the 'King' of the house. BUT when it came to paying bills and mortgage, then he turns into AMERICAN MAN who expects equal sharing of house matters (money)... lolol
Well, I don't know about other men, but I have to give my Naija brothas the props on the bills, they do take care of biz on that, however, that's no longer what we need them for, for the most part, we can take care of ourselves in that department.
 

sidney

Well-Known Member
#12
:roll
me too. na siddon look I dey do this thread so! :D

Great points being made so far....

Only thing I remember about this matter is a Congolese lady that divorced her hubby after 7 years and 2 kids! Konk church members O! In her words: when it came to house chores, he was AN AFRICAN MAN who is the 'King' of the house. BUT when it came to paying bills and mortgage, then he turns into AMERICAN MAN who expects equal sharing of house matters (money)... lolol
LOL!! Now this I have definitely heard about.....
 

Supermom

Well-Known Member
#14
If you are paying all the bills and then some.....Well you can fling me from the chandelier all day...I can even consider the whip..after I must have scrubbed the house clean..
 

kaymax

Well-Known Member
#15
If you are paying all the bills and then some.....Well you can fling me from the chandelier all day...I can even consider the whip..after I must have scrubbed the house clean..
Bros Sola, wetin you give your 'NR perishoners' today? Why all dis crase dey commot in every thread today?
 

Thickmadam

OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!
#16
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha
i don dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

as long as you execute a perfect "on point" landing, no yawa *giggle*


If you are paying all the bills and then some.....Well you can fling me from the chandelier all day...I can even consider the whip..after I must have scrubbed the house clean..
 

Field Marshal

ABSOLUTE SUPREME RULER
#18
Ahem! Bia KayMax! Errhmm, since u don return from ya hiatus u fit enta mai Mansion so dat I fit make ya acquaintance, and tek de chance to go gii u de ansa to ya kweshon?:586:
 
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