THE SEARCH FOR A LIFE PARTNER! (At a table in a candle-lit restaurant overlooking the blue ocean, a man and woman sit gazing longingly into each others' eyes.) Man: (Taking her hand) "Baby, I love you, and each time I look into your eyes I see forever and a day, hold my hand honey, let’s walk this road together, be my wife, the mother of my kids. Baby, would you please marry me?" Woman: (stands up and lands a stinging slap on his face) "I knew it!" Man: "Babe! you just slapped me?" Woman: "I just knew it!" Man: "You knew what?" Woman: "So it was you?" Man: "Me? what did I do?" Woman: (Pacing back and forth, pointing at him)"So it was you all along?" Man: "Babe, you are scaring me!" Woman: "Ha! and pastor said it!" Man: "Pastor said what?" Woman: "Yes, pastor saw it! Even I (beating her chest) saw it in my dreams! So it was you?" Man: "Babe! are you alright?" Woman: "Keep quiet and let me talk. I have waited more than two decades, I have prayed, fasted, sowed seeds, bought books and listened to tapes, even went out of my way to be nice to every male specie of marriageable age! Every Saturday was a different mall, I went from the galleria, to city mall, from the Palms to E-center, looking for you! I left my“chick-lit-fl*icks” for sci-fi movies that I didn’t even understand, just so I could learn how to enjoy the things you love. I took up new hobbies,watchin*g football and play station. I went to Daystar, from Daystar, I went to House on the Rock, from House on the rock I went to This Present House, from there I went to Guiding Light Assembly, looking every where for you like I was looking for a needle in a haystack! (Turning around suddenly to face him) Are you a needle? Did I have to buy a microscope or telescope to see you? I lost weight, went from a size 14 to a size 10, so that when you see me you’d love what you see. I took a short course at Lagos business school, worked for all the Multi-nationals. I even opted to be sent to Australia, I said to myself, "maybe he is white.” I came back empty handed! Then I left Lagos, went to Abuja, from Abuja I went to Port-Harcourt, then I went all the way to Kano, abi? I didn’t even mind if you were “malo!” I joined hi-five, from hi-five to faceboook,then I went to twitter,I even had a blog on which I ranted, hoping you would show up! for where? I uploaded only my best pictures on Facebook,in fact I took photo sessions to look my best, all for you o! My friends ended up match making me with every Tom, Dick and Harry,at first I didn’t like it,but as I grew older, I embraced it! I attended all the weddings, whether the invitation was direct or indirect!You know what they say about meeting your life partner at weddings? The next place I was hoping to check was the moon, before you crawled out, crawled out from the house directly next to mine!So it was you all this while? The neighbour I said hello to every morning? Were you trying to destroy my faith? You almost rendered my prayer life useless? What were you doing HIBERNATING in that house all this while? What were you waiting for? What sign where you looking for? Do you want to kill me before you reveal yourself?!!!" (Man is speechless and confused, almost in tears) (She then turns and sits with a mischievous smile on her face. Lowering her voice, she said softly)." I have waited almost three decades for you, and all along you were next door. I have loved you in advance and missed you even more." (She holds out her hand) and says, with a seductive smile: "Now be a gentleman, get down on your knees and put that rock on my finger!!"