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To marry or not to marry an impotent Fiance?

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ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#1
Another problem posed in my fb group:
Sisters, a sister sent this to me and need our help

I am about to get maried to a guy n i jst dicovered he is impotent n can not function at all i dont no wat to do shld i go ahead wit d wedding cos i lv him n dont want him to feel bad or jst walk away pls i nid ur help.
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#2
Some responses from other members:

Debbie: Did he know he was impotent and never told u or he knew and jst told u some days to the wedding?


Ngozi: Wow! Tough one. Well like sis debbie said if it is a case of deceit dont go ahead;but if it is problem that can be solved medically,postpone d marriage plans and help him sort it out i.e being supportive cos you heal faster wen someone cares.


Iyabo: My dear, the decision is yours to make. I won't, if u ask me. Remember it is marriage, and its still death do u part.


Ndidi: u need to hav a heart to heart talk wit ur man, then u can tke him to a specialist hospital to get there own opinion abt it, if theirs nothing that can be done before u mke ur decision

Estella Go ahead and marry him, you both have to figure out a way to work things out. there are sex toys and gadgets that can give u more enjoyment than some penis sef.
You have the basic ingredient of marriage - love
And when u get married, the urge for sex isnt as much as dating. because u know you got it there.
Moreso, what if you married a virile man who for any reason, like accident, sickness, stress etc turns impotent say...3, 5, or 10 years into your marriage, would you abandon him????? #JustSaying. #FoodForThought
All hell broke loose when I gave my own advise about sex toys and all. Iyabo came back with this response! (make una see me see drama for facebook O! lolol)

Iyabo: ‎@Estella, what kind of wrong advice are u giving her, she should use sex toys. Things like those things u mentioned are very demonic and are not suppose to be used okay. Pls don't advice her wrongly i beg you.
She even liked her own comment gan! lolol

And una know me, I had to respond to her!

Estella: Thank you Iyabo.
'Demonic'? Wow. I don't use them, and NOT because they are demonic, but because I have no need to.
Its amazing the type of things people term demonic! So, for a husband and wife to derive ultimate pleasure in any way they can is 'demonic'???? You are one of those that say the only type of sex between married couples should be the man on top and the woman below, showing little participation, right? And then, some people wonder why some men follow women that are even below the class of their wives!!!
MARRIAGE gives you LICENSE to have sex with your husband! And whatever is done beyond closed doors is for the couple to enjoy sex! You have no right to term anything 'demonic' unless diabolical and fetish things are involved!

I was just thinking the other day, marriage is the only things that makes it Ok to wake up next to a man, say your morning prayers and dive into love making! lolol.

Relax Iyabo! I am REAL! I don't paint shadows! And I dont believe in pretenses! Married Couples should ENJOY themselves however they want!

So, what is YOUR BEST ADVICE!??? that she leave the man???? or that she goes round sleeping with men to see the one that is not 'impotent' before marrying? I am a STRONG ADVOCATE OF NO PRE-MARITAL SEX! it is a pleasure to discover my husband everyday! because we did NOT 'taste' ground BEFORE our wedding!

So, if you claim that you are talking God talk now, then, you should know that if the man is impotent, there is nothing God cannot do! besides any man can get impotent at any point in the marriage!!!
And sex toys are NOT demonic! Even pastors now recommend it to couples to keep their sex life going! On the alternative, you are saying cheating, adultery and sex starvation is better?
(with 3 likes so far :D)


What do u think?

* Are sex toys demonic?
* Should she marry the man?
* What is not allowed in marriage?
 

tunmi

Active Member
#3
Aish..stress.
Nigerians and their love for the label "demonic". It's annoying.

If the guy hid it from her till the last 3 days of the wedding, they need to talk because that is deceit. And they need to visit a medical doctor. From what I know impotency can be caused by several things. Maybe his sperm has low motility or something else but if they talk to a doctor, the doctor can recommend solutions.

This Iyabo sef..aish, ignorance should be a sin.
 

Flomari

Well-Known Member
#4
1,How long have you known this guy? 2,did you just found out? 3, marriage is a life time deal so are you willing to stay without the thingy?anyway if you guys really love each other,seek help or I don't think it will work you need sex companionship and you need to have children with That thingy .you have to be happy you know what I mean?
 

Dsampler

Well-Known Member
#6
My advice is that.........Never marry such a guy. Sympathize with him and help him get all the help available to him but move on ASAP. Otherwise, your life would be f'cked up right away from here on out. And all you'll be doing for the rest of your life till the day you reach 99years old age na to help fix the man's problem. Imagine the amount of money & shame that would go into that. Its like falling in love with a man with f'cked up credit. DO NOT DO IT either. Otherwise, for the rest of your life na so you go dey do "e go better" while your age mates wey you go school with dey carry raw cash to go clean nyansh for toilet instead of toilet paper.

Plenty, plenty enjoyment dey happen every minute for this world o. But na only people without problems dey enjoy am. Na me tok am. I've seen dis kain thing happened over & over to good people with mai own eyes.

Bottom line of my advice be say,...help people in need, but DO NOT join them. Or your life would be f'cked up too.
 

blackbutterfly

Well-Known Member
#7
Aish..stress.
Nigerians and their love for the label "demonic". It's annoying.
If the guy hid it from her till the last 3 days of the wedding, they need to talk because that is deceit. And they need to visit a medical doctor. From what I know ignorance should be a sin.

Anything a Nigerian doesn't understand or makes him/her uncomfortable automatically becomes demonic, you didn't know? :lol :lol :lol A youth pastor in church accused a gospel singing member of the church of being demonic because her brand of gospel music uses R & B sounds sort of like Cece and Bebe Winans, Mary-Mary, Yolanda Adams, Kirk Franklin. It's ridiculous.
 

samira

Well-Known Member
#8
It appears this is something she just found out. I will not go through with it. Life is too short for me to live the rest of my life full of regrets.
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#9
UPDATE and MORE Info:

DIna: A reply by the Sister who needs our help:

Tnx sis but he neva say a thing about it not on till afta d proposal cos we blieve in no sex b4 marriag but i jst notice he was not making any move at all so i make a move dat was wen i discovered n he open up n said it hapen wen he was a child n he has bin taking medication to no avail.

Dina continued with this: VERY intelligent post.

Well, Like i said with my first comment I know Dr. Chin had a very detailed article on Erectile Dysfunction (Impotency) and I've just gone to read all of it. I wanted to copy and post it here but I needed to get his permission first. From what I read though, I think the man might still be able to get you pregnant because he could still able to produce sperm. The only thing is that it might have to be medically extracted since he can't get hard enough to release the sperm himself.

With that said, I will tell you that sex is a very important aspect of marriage. Sex is so important that on it's own, it can break a marriage. I've heard of religious men and women divorcing their spouses over sex. I know we've all heard or even seen people cheating on their spouses over sex. Being impotent is not something men take very lightly, even an able bodied man will not think it funny if you joke with him about that talk more of someone that is really living with it. I think he trusted you enough to let you into something that i know is a huge bother to him so, my advice to you is for you to talk to him. You both really need to sit down and talk about every and all aspect of this. You need to know from him what he expects you to do sexually while married. You need to know if he has any ways of satisfying YOUR sexual urges while you're married. Before you, I'm sure he must have been with other ladies how did he handle that?

I once was talking to this lady who told me her husband has a penis that is smaller that of a new born baby's! I was so shocked, i asked her how they manage to have sex and she says, she's glad that his thing was that small cos his whole body is a sex tool for her. I was curious about how this is possible but she went ahead and gave me detailed description of how with his mouth and hands he does something that makes her get close to heaven in Ecstasy! By the time she finished her story, i myself was to embarrassed to ask any further questions. Behind the close marriage doors, the way a husband a wife pleasure each other is strictly their business. The Christian Gospel singer Kirk Franklin was addicted to porn, he couldn't make love to his wife without watching hard-core porn movies first and the only way gets excited was to replay those images on his head. His wife of cos didn't know this but when she eventually caught him, they discussed it through marriage counselling and together they agreed to allow love making videos (different from hard core porn) into their bedroom for their own pleasure. Many couples do some crazy things you won't believe! A friend once attend a women's seminar that was being hosted by an RCCG Pastor's wife. There was segment for sex in marriage and everyone was encouraged to ask what ever questions they have sexually well, most of the women wanted to know if it was alright to give their husbands blow jobs cos these men, who are among other things leaders in the church were demanding oral sex (blow jobs) from their wives. Long story short, the pastors wife that was hosting them, gave a very detailed account of how to perform oral sex on your husband! When my friend told me this we laughed our heads off but we admitted that Pastor's wife know what she's talking about.

What I'm saying is that there are many content of sex in marriages, all you have to do is to discuss this with the man and also If you both belong to a church see if they have marriage counselling and use that tool. The onus of the matter lies with you, you know yourself, you know what you can tolerate, you know your boundaries, (we all have that thing we'll never do sexually even in marriages). Think about it, learn as much as you can about it, if you agree to marry him, seek counselling; outside the church together, TALK! TALK!! TALK!! about it with him no matter how uncomfortable you might be about it. This is just some of the ways you might make YOUR decision easily.
 

vince

Well-Known Member
#17
When we dey always tell people to dey test drive before committing, no so we go dey hia one yeye useless moralizing after another. You wan settle down finally (forever, if (im)possible) and you don't have a clue about what you're going to be saddled with. What kind of demonic curse is that?
 
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