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Two Christians are dating...and in the line of keeping it real..

Thickmadam

OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!
#21
so how would one even start the sex conversation sef?
i agree whole heartedly with sami, the relationship shouldn't start out with the sex talk (even though you both know eventually it's going to happen sooner or later) but get to know each other first...
 

Tunde

Well-Known Member
#22
so how would one even start the sex conversation sef?
I agree whole heartedly with sami, the relationship shouldn't start out with the sex talk (even though you both know eventually it's going to happen sooner or later) but get to know each other first...
kpom!
 
#23
That would depend on the kind of 'dating' and what you want from each other...If both of you are considering a long lasting relationship with the hope of getting married in the future, there are more important things to discuss, at the early stages of your relationship, than sex...If in the very early stages of the relationship, the guy or lady brings up sex especially in a not so mature way, you'd know he/she only wants you for his/her sexual satisfaction-They want IT but they don't necessarily want YOU... LOL

But then again MATURE sexual discussions shouldn't be pushed too far away cause there are still some christians who believe in sex before marriage so choose the approrpriate time to clear that aspect of sex or no sex before marriage..Happy Dating :)
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#24
You have a point, but my question is how about spending all those early time to get so used to each other and after a while they find out they couldnt agree on sex. What happens to the solid relationship they'd already built? Considering that sometimes, they clinch on what they have together, relationship wise, and ignore sex. Years later, sex becomes more important than relationship unless both agree to get their satisfactions elsewhere, which is kind of rare. For me, I think sex should be discussed, okay, maybe not in the first five minutes of first date, but with some style. The potential couple should find a befitting way of discussing it quite early alongside every other thing.
Rudie, for once I totally agree with your twisted gist sweat:

Efrybodi na adult! BETTER to talk about sex from get go! Even BEFORE that first kiss!!

Like Rudie said, no need to wasted emotional investment to find out say una gat to separate!

When I start a relationship, as the man eye dey over eye my succulent Naija/Ibo hips and my juicy hooters, I tell the guy straight up " I am celibate! So, no sex for you! You staying for me or you leaving?"

it always works. Nobody's time iS wasted.
9 out of 10 times, men look at a woman and they think sex! So, why deceive yourself (by NOT discussing it from get go) by carrying on like the man is liking your mind and not your body..... when the man go finally say, hin want your body, you now would say he is too randy! But you NEVER talked about it!
 

paj

Well-Known Member
#25
so how would one even start the sex conversation sef?
i agree whole heartedly with sami, the relationship shouldn't start out with the sex talk (even though you both know eventually it's going to happen sooner or later) but get to know each other first...
...dude sending a half nekkid pic of himself with the hugest potbelly she ever saw oughta kick it off...smokin:
 

Beautiful_Soul

Well-Known Member
#26
I am not saying that the couple should not discuss sex until the morning of the marriage. All I am saying is that I do not think that it is wise for the couple to start discussing sex at the early stages of dating. This is a time for you to get to know each other. When you have given yourself sometime to get to know someone, you will be able to know the person's character, their level of integrity, and whether or not they are an honest person. Then you can decide whether this person is someone you will like to go on the next level with. At this point you are comfortable with him/her and can discuss sex. See, men are different from women....and when it comes to the topic of sex at the early stages, a woman has to be careful the context in which they discuss the sex topic and how often they choose to have these discussions.
Very true, It is a bad idea talking about sex with someone that you have just met. It also shows a lack of control and respect for a man to start bringing up stuff like sexual positions and how often you like it to a woman he does not know too well. I personally would find it very off putting. I would think that he is just some sex crazed lunatic. True talk.
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#27
Very true, It is a bad idea talking about sex with someone that you have just met. It also shows a lack of control and respect for a man to start bringing up stuff like sexual positions and how often you like it to a woman he does not know too well. I personally would find it very off putting. I would think that he is just some sex crazed lunatic. True talk.
Not exactly after 'Hello'...but as the conversation drives into 'What do you like?' ...better they get the sex talk part out of the way. Not just about copulation per se, but, if you want to know the marital status, smoking, drinking habit of the man [I'm assuming at the beginning of the relationship], it wont be bad to casually inquire of his sexual habit as well [without necessarily getting in Kama Sutra stuff]... so.....one don't end up with a man/woman that prefers sexual orgies, 'open' relationships, polygamy etc, (while the woman may have started planning wedding, aso-ebis and bridal trains in her dreams sha.) - when she is a JEALOUS woman that open relationships/orgies etc would augur well with.

Sex can be discussed by adults tastefully, without seeming disrespectful....
 
N

noone

Guest
#28
Not exactly after 'Hello'...but as the conversation drives into 'What do you like?' ...better they get the sex talk part out of the way. Not just about copulation per se, but, if you want to know the marital status, smoking, drinking habit of the man [I'm assuming at the beginning of the relationship], it wont be bad to casually inquire of his sexual habit as well [without necessarily getting in Kama Sutra stuff]... so.....one don't end up with a man/woman that prefers sexual orgies, 'open' relationships, polygamy etc, (while the woman may have started planning wedding, aso-ebis and bridal trains in her dreams sha.) - when she is a JEALOUS woman that open relationships/orgies etc would augur well with.

Sex can be discussed by adults tastefully, without seeming disrespectful....
Totally agree at the highlighted; would also agree with Samira's points but would add that people go with the flow. Some might want to know from the get go and others might want to take it slow.

If like Sse you want to be upfront about your stance then it's all good; that way there's not deception - deliberate or not - by either party. However if like Samira, you want to explore the relationship and where it's going before talking sex then so be it.

I don't think there is one way of doing it; I think it depends on the individuals involved, circumstances etc. Like a dear friend once said to me 'What someone would do in a relationship is different from what they'll do before the actually get into a relationship; so you never really know until you're in it'
 

samira

Well-Known Member
#29
Totally agree at the highlighted; would also agree with Samira's points but would add that people go with the flow. Some might want to know from the get go and others might want to take it slow.

If like Sse you want to be upfront about your stance then it's all good; that way there's not deception - deliberate or not - by either party. However if like Samira, you want to explore the relationship and where it's going before talking sex then so be it.

I don't think there is one way of doing it; I think it depends on the individuals involved, circumstances etc. Like a dear friend once said to me 'What someone would do in a relationship is different from what they'll do before the actually get into a relationship; so you never really know until you're in it'
Tam, I understand your point but some men will see this stance at this early stage as a woman who wants sex and is only pretending. While the woman is probably trying to be sincere about it, once the topic is brought up, u bet, that will be the only topic that he will be interested in although its possible that some men will move on from it for a while.

It can be a dangerous move on the woman's part if she is indeed looking for a long term relationship and not just merely a hit an run.

I think it really depends on what exactly one wants from the relationship. If the man starts discussing sex right from the onset, then he may have decided that you are not a keeper. A genuine man who finds you attractive and wants to get to know you with the hopes that something permanent may come out of it will wait for the right time to bring up the topic as he knows that you are worth the wait.
 

Gen Sani Abacha

Well-Known Member
#30
coughing......a size 4.5 is nothing to write home ojare....just sayin :laugh:

Certain topics like sex are very delicate at the early stages of a relationship. I believe that at the dating stage, the topic of sex should be avoided like a plague. Getting to know each other, going with the flow, and living in the moment is what the couple should focus on. If you want to make this relationship a serious one, don't think of sex as a top priority. You want to be smitten with his/ her mind and getting to know him/her. So be patient and establish the strong bond you are yearning for and the rest will fall into place. Holding off on what your libido is telling you will pay off in spades in the long run.

girlfriend, u start entertaining him with the sex talk and you will find your ass flat on the bed
TUFIA!!! What is this young girl barely out of nappies doing in an adult thread ? Oya go to your room, kneel down, hands up and close your eyes...:D
 

Thickmadam

OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!
#31
but we are talking about christians here. they are supposed to abstain until marriage, so will talking about this not be a source of temptation?
just curious.
 

samira

Well-Known Member
#32
TUFIA!!! What is this young girl barely out of nappies doing in an adult thread ? Oya go to your room, kneel down, hands up and close your eyes...:D
ur head no dey for house cuz :roll maybe after you pour that holy water on moi's head, I go repent. :) just make sure that it is only holy water that you pour o...smokin:
 

Tunde

Well-Known Member
#33
but we are talking about christians here. they are supposed to abstain until marriage, so will talking about this not be a source of temptation?
just curious.
My dear, to abstain from sex you still have to talk about it. As I assume you already know body no be firewood.
 

kolinzo

Well-Known Member
#34
I never discuss sex with any girl. However, I like to discuss the cleaningless and personal hygiene with a potential somebody...
 
N

noone

Guest
#35
Tam, I understand your point but some men will see this stance at this early stage as a woman who wants sex and is only pretending. While the woman is probably trying to be sincere about it, once the topic is brought up, u bet, that will be the only topic that he will be interested in although its possible that some men will move on from it for a while.

It can be a dangerous move on the woman's part if she is indeed looking for a long term relationship and not just merely a hit an run.

I think it really depends on what exactly one wants from the relationship. If the man starts discussing sex right from the onset, then he may have decided that you are not a keeper. A genuine man who finds you attractive and wants to get to know you with the hopes that something permanent may come out of it will wait for the right time to bring up the topic as he knows that you are worth the wait.
Again it depends...not every single man that introduces the topic of sex at the beginning of a relationship is necessarily a 'hit and run'sweat: as you put it. Don't get me wrong; I'm looking at it from a different viewpoint. Different people handle things differently and trust me, we women are usually sensitive enough to know or at least sense when a man isn't quite what he seems...but that's a story for another day.

The point is, we can't put all men in a box just because they start to talk about sex...that's what interests them so they talk about it. We just have to trust our instincts about the man and not every relationship that starts of with sex ends in disaster; sometimes, those 'holy-holy' ones don't even last the duration...just saying...
 

Sifu

Well-Known Member
#39
I think the right time for sex to come up is somewhere between understanding that you are mutually exclusive and maybe meeting at least one family member LOL. I mean what exactly is this sex talk about? Is it how you like it? When you like it? LOL. If there is chemistry you pretty much know it by the first time you spend a significant amount of time together. So if you know that there is chemistry and you know you like the person generally then what exactly could come up about sex without you sounding ridiculous. I think it should be very clear that the other person likes you exclusively before they even bring up the topic.
 

Thickmadam

OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!
#40
I think the right time for sex to come up is somewhere between understanding that you are mutually exclusive and maybe meeting at least one family member LOL. I mean what exactly is this sex talk about? Is it how you like it? When you like it? LOL. If there is chemistry you pretty much know it by the first time you spend a significant amount of time together. So if you know that there is chemistry and you know you like the person generally then what exactly could come up about sex without you sounding ridiculous. I think it should be very clear that the other person likes you exclusively before they even bring up the topic.
i guess pa J was wanting to know if christians talk about if they are going to have premarital sex or no...i mean, christains might have two different interpretations of the whole sex thing and one of them might think it's ok while the other strongly believes it's a "straight to hell" card.
just sayin' lol.