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What do men want?

Discussion in 'LOVE, MARRIAGE, THE SEXES' started by Sola, May 2, 2012.

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  1. Sola

    Sola Administrator
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    By 'Dania Idam

    The other day, I had the most interesting conversation with a female friend of mine. Her mother sat her down and had a serious talk with her because she felt my friend was getting self sufficient.

    To the perturbed mother, the girl was getting too independent; and this was not a good trait in a young woman.

    My friend said she was confused by this because her parents, especially her mother, were the ones who had drummed it in her ears when she was growing up that she should not accept money or even expensive gifts from men because then she would start to feel like she owed them and would start obliging them. She reminded her mother of this.

    Her mother replied that while that still held true, she was getting closer to marriage now and needed to learn how to start ‘depending’ on her husband or else he would get used to the fact that she was self-sufficient and eventually allow her to not only provide for herself, but for the whole family as well. This was her mother’s personal experience and she didn’t want it to happen to her daughter as well.

    My friend would have shrugged it off as her mother being stuck in the 80’s; until later that day, the guy whom she recently started dating said the same thing. He said that even though he loved that she was the quintessential 21st century independent chick, he, as a man, needed to provide for her at least some of the time. He was raised in a family where gifts were expressions of love, so in order to express his love, he needed to buy her things and provide for her. Plus, it made him feel like a man when he could meet her needs.

    She told him that she understood and that would definitely be the case when they got married but that since they were just dating, they didn't have to be like that. He countered that dating was a marriage rehearsal and that if they didn't start now, it would never happen.

    Her mother had said something along those lines as well, and so my friend slowly let down her guard. A month later, things changed. Or so it seemed to her. He wasn’t so forthcoming in ‘providing’ anymore. She was finally learning to be dependent and now he was treating her like she was after his money. Wasn't he the one that said she should depend on him? Did she cross some kind of line?

    Bewildered, she sought my opinion. Equally as bewildered, I am seeking yours. Is it actually possible to be over-independent? For many guys, the complaint is that women are often overly dependent. The derogatory phrase ‘gold-digger’ is often thrown about loosely when a woman depends on her man financially. And now, we’re being over-independent too?

    First, they say they don't want a woman who is a liability. So, chicks work hard, earn and get used to providing for themselves. Then they say she’s too independent and needs to chill so he can provide? Is there a balance? What/where is this balance?

    Methinks men, not women, do not know what they want.

    SOURCE
     
  2. Village-Boi

    Village-Boi Well-Known Member

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    Dear Dania Idam... no be news be that. E get anytime when we sabi wetin we want?
     
  3. ssergit

    ssergit ..still The Drama Queen!

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    I love this article!!! Ain't that the truth??????!!!!!

    Being VERY independent kept me single for years! The most insecure men when it comes to this are white men, from my experiences! And so many naija men are easily intimidated by very successful nigerian men! But there are few exceptions to the rule, who look past the outer/social person to the real woman inside! They exist. Yes
     
  4. vince

    vince Well-Known Member

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    I disagree slightly with the article. Neither men nor women know exactly what they truly want. It goes both ways.
     
  5. Abike

    Abike Well-Known Member

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    Lol....Some men DO know what they want, others dont...likewise some women DO know what they want,and others dont...its not absolute...
     
  6. Thickmadam

    Thickmadam OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!

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    one of my friends was advised not to buy a house, because if she did, the men from their village who would seek her hand in marriage would be intimidated by her successes.
    we were both so dump folded that we didn't have a word to alter.

    she finally bought the house sha. about 10 years later.
     
  7. Village-Boi

    Village-Boi Well-Known Member

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    By then the house plice was a doubled cost... eerrrrmmm sorry a dump folded cost!
     
  8. Sifu

    Sifu Well-Known Member

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    I guess everybody needs to be honest with themselves. it all depends on the background of the person. A man that was raised in that sort of home will expect the same things and so also a woman. In the case of this woman she can hold on to her independence and marry a different man or bend a little and marry this man. There is no one method that works
     
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