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Would U consider being a second wife?

Discussion in 'LOVE, MARRIAGE, THE SEXES' started by paj, Oct 20, 2011.

  1. barbarellanoir

    barbarellanoir Well-Known Member

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    I had a relative who became the second wife of a rich man in Nigeria...aunty "v". My dad's family wasn't too thrilled with her. She thought she was the younger, improved upgrade, and kind of flaunted her position in the first wife's face (the first wife eventually moved out). She had a boutique will all the bells and whistles, fully stocked with items from around the world, by her "rich" husband. Fast forward to 92', when my siblings and mum, returned to Nigeria to bury my late father. I saw aunty "v's" husband at the wakekeeping, and I wondered where she was (they arrived seperately)....When I did eventually get to see her, she looked a hot mess, and had aged exponentially.....I later found out, that her husband had recently married a 23 year old third wife....he "upgraded" again. I think it's important to know yourself, and know what is a deal breaker for you. I may not be in the financial position , I would like to be in, but I've learned that money doesn't rule my life. I've seen a cousin who has taken many ass whippins to be the multi-millionaires wife. It's all about what matters to you. I didn't grow up in a polygamous home, so I know it's not for me.
     
  2. paj

    paj D JENGBORAN OF YORUBALAND

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    ...well..how was this the man's fault na?:gnash ..he provided the boutique,bought the goods,gave her a Santana...if she no 'maintain',why him no go upgrade?:gnash
     
  3. barbarellanoir

    barbarellanoir Well-Known Member

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    LOLOLOLOLOL...I'm not saying it's his fault..... I'm not encouraging people not to do it, I just wouldn't want that for myself....that is all. People can choose their battles. I chose not to be a second wife. I guess I would have to get on my hustle/grind for what I want/need, and not expect a "rich" husband to supply it. My relative aunty "v" is MISERABLE. She was the hot "young" thing, and knew it. When he upgraded, it devasted her. She had been married for close to 20 years to rich "uncle". My dad wasn't alive to witness this. It's ironic, because he warned her about the upgrade happening.
     
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  4. paj

    paj D JENGBORAN OF YORUBALAND

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    ..look..ma fren...:gnash I no sabi what YOUR problem is..:gnash....na una type go spoil am for pesin..U're not encouraging other potential 2nd wifeys O!:gnash ..some of us DO wanna add a couple more when we turn 75 U know?:gnash
     
  5. babydoll

    babydoll Member

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    QUOTE=Tunde;778278]Abi? If you talk say you don't want to be a second wife will you at least settle for being the girl friend on the side...:spiny:[/QUOTE]

    Nah, Never... I don't want to be second best.
     
  6. Thickmadam

    Thickmadam OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHH!!

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    check your pm please and thank you.
    [/QUOTE]
     
  7. babydoll

    babydoll Member

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    I'm not surprised at all... What goes around comes around.
     
  8. babydoll

    babydoll Member

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    [/QUOTE]

    Will do.
     
  9. kolinzo

    kolinzo Oodua4life

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    I have a relative (a male) whom I never thought for one second would marry two wives. But Ohhh...was I shocked when he married another women after 12 years of marriage.

    Anyway, the reason men are married to two or more women is simple: the women don't want to leave the men! If they leave the men there would be no such things as second, third and whatever wife. These women have their reasons for staying. For example, in Tyler Perry's movie Why Did I Get Married: there is a scene where TP tells his wife that his secretary is pregnant with twins for him, and the wife goes "okay...we'll work it out." Hmmm!

    With that said, what is a second husband??
     
  10. chi

    chi I am blessed

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    sad but real
     
  11. Beautiful_Soul

    Beautiful_Soul I'm in my Own Group!

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    I say NO because it is not a situation that can bring ME happiness. Knowing there is another woman cannot make me happy. I don't wanna share my home/life that intimately with another woman. It sounds like a horrible selfish situation. My mother is from a polygamous family and she doesn't even talk about it. She doesn't need to I just know it was hell. She barely spoke to her mother before she died and her father who is alive she doesn't care too much for either. Imagine the man is in his 80's and when we went to Nigeria we were introduced to my mother's 18 year old sister. Polygamy is for randy goats that want sex on tap with all and sundry as far as I am concerned.
     
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  12. paj

    paj D JENGBORAN OF YORUBALAND

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    ...Yanga...smokin:I have a 65 y/o Uncle who likes ya pic....I don foward am ya username...when E take Euro slap U well well we go see if ya 'accent' no go change...smokin:
     
  13. samira

    samira Well-Known Member

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    I am not into polygamy although I understand the need for it in certain circumstances. I can see it becoming very common in later years.....mark my words.
     
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  14. ssergit

    ssergit ..still The Drama Queen!

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    It is already popular NOW. Because so many people in recent past, and even in the present married the WRONG people out of a myriad of reasons [some not sensible]....like that biological clock thing, or economic reasons etc.

    In coming years, people would get tired of material things and seek for undiluted love, and those loves may already be married to other wrong people ......

    i wonder though, people that are vehemently against polygamy, are still the ones who KNOW THAT THEIR hubbies are sleeping with so many women outside, and they still stay put in the marriage! So, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? A cheating husband is EQUAL to a polygamous man! Even the polygamy is better in this instance because you see the other woman 'at home', and not the strange/random women the man would be carrying around and sleeping with.

    As usual, I have a weird approach to all these: Me, i am that woman that would give my husband a leather bound, cute pouch filled with assorted condoms of all colors and texture! Of course, I go still pray and fast for him to be faithful, but i will NOT deceive myself and not play safe 'in case'. {yeah., that is how much I trust ANY man}.... and I know there are women who are bitches and when they set their eyes on a man, they go all out to entice and seduce him! And there are women who only admire men that belong to other women! So, it is NOT always the men's fault! there are too many desperado itchy-pant women out there.
     
  15. samira

    samira Well-Known Member

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    It is popular to those who practise it. But from all indications, sooner or later, those who are not aware of it or have no interest in it will.

    Sse you will give your husband the condorm? Madam you are tooooo mesh o.....I understand your point but it will be a difficult thing for me to do. On Oprah, a bunch of women in their fourties got aids through their husbands who were engaged in unprotected sex. Sad! But even if you give the man the condorms, there is no gurantee that he will use am as some of our men are just into raw sex abeg.

    And yes, I have heard so many stories of the man becoming more appealing to other women as soon as he gets married. Women sef, we are our own enemies sha
     
  16. barbarellanoir

    barbarellanoir Well-Known Member

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    Are we talking about marriage, or a business transaction???...I keep on seeing comments like these...if he has a billion...etc..Noone wishes to be poor, but if a polygamous marriage is not for them, accept it. For every woman who wouldn't consider being a second wife, there are more who will. My ideal man/man of my dreams is NOT married...I won't remix my ideal because of money, because in my heart of hearts, I will NOT be happy. I know that situation will kill my spirit/energy, and make me miserable...no matter how much money he has. It isn't a judment call/ character flaw, for those who are down with it, it is all about knowing your limits.
     
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  17. Abike

    Abike Well-Known Member

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    In which circumstances does a person NEED to be in a polygamous marriage please?
     
  18. Abike

    Abike Well-Known Member

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    Sighs! What has MARRIAGE turned to these days?


     
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  19. noone

    noone Guest

    No one likes being second best, that's what it is. Second wife smacks of second best that's why women always say a resounding no to that question. However, if we follow SSe's logic, a lot of people are in some kind of polygamy anyway; difference being that they don't share their home with that second 'spouse'.

    Again,following Sse's logic, there are a lot of marriages that will experience some kind of polygamy sadly because the foundation they are built on wasn't right. While we all wish it wasn't so, we mustn't deny the fact that people marry for all sorts of reasons excluding love and if true love meets them while they are married to another...wahala.

    Oh we can all cry 'as you make your bed so you lie on it' and 'marriage is a commitment' etc etc but emotions are powerful things...think on it.

    Would anyone like to be second anything -wife or husband? I don't think so but will people be second...definitely. Let's be real here.

    Continuing is Sse's logic (nwanne, it's your day todaygrinning:), some marriages appear 'monogamous' because the couple don't want to divorce/separate which is understandable but in those loveless marriage, there is a second somewhere...isn't that polygamy in some form...

    This marriage thing is not as straight forward as it appears...or maybe it is...maybe it's as simple as 'marry for love and nothing else' at least that will ensure a strong foundation to build everything else on...
     
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  20. chi

    chi I am blessed

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    whatever you pray/ask for that's what you get
     

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