Would U consider being a second wife?

N

noone

Guest
#41
Sighs! What has MARRIAGE turned to these days?
As usual, I have a weird approach to all these: Me, i am that woman that would give my husband a leather bound, cute pouch filled with assorted condoms of all colors and texture! Of course, I go still pray and fast for him to be faithful, but i will NOT deceive myself and not play safe 'in case'. {yeah., that is how much I trust ANY man
My dear Abike,

Na so we see am o! Trust me Ssergit is keeping it real...
 

Abike

Well-Known Member
#42
I understand the thought process. Both hers and yours. However, giving my husband condoms to protect himself from diseases and at the same time fasting and praying for him is not the ideal thing. If you wanna fast/pray alone do so. If you want to go the condom route go.

If however you want to lay a good foundation (as you mentioned in your earlier post), based on love, realities, friendship and the truth, then that is also a possibility. One that quite frankly is what I hope to do some day.

Continue sha....


My dear Abike,

Na so we see am o! Trust me Ssergit is keeping it real...
 
N

noone

Guest
#43
Sighs! What has MARRIAGE turned to these days?
I understand the thought process. Both hers and yours. However, giving my husband condoms to protect himself from diseases and at the same time fasting and praying for him is not the ideal thing. If you wanna fast/pray alone do so. If you want to go the condom route go.

If however you want to lay a good foundation (as you mentioned in your earlier post), based on love, realities, friendship and the truth, then that is also a possibility. One that quite frankly is what I hope to do some day.

Continue sha....
You know, when you pray and fast, there is a possibility that you might have do something as part of the answer to your prayer...what if when you were fasting and praying, you had a witness to put condoms in your husband's suitcase? What if it wasn't a show of doubt rather a strategy that God would use into shaming your husband into faithfulness? What if?

I'm not advocating that we start hoping and planning for the worst...far, far, far from that. I've seen and heard quite a lot of things to know that you cannot pigeon-hole God in the way that He will/chose to work.

Having said that, everyone's faith is different and God will work in us and through us in the way that we believe so...

However, I still maintain that if the foundation is not right, it's not worth gettiing into; marriage is hard enough without one entering into it with low expectations; neither is it the pathway to heaven. Some people were at peace and happy until they got married. Like a pastor once said, some people will end up going to hell because of marriage. Let Jesus be your 'happily ever after' and if He chooses to bring a man/woman for you to share that 'happily ever after with' - good. If He doesn't - it's all good still.

So 'Biks my dear...I find that this life is 'immilimious' (an EnglIgbo expression) deep and unfathomable - strange things have been known to happen like God asking Hosea to marry a harlot. I wonder if any of our present-day pastors would do it? They will bind and bind till kingdom comesweat:sweat:sweat:
 
N

noone

Guest
#44
Was going to add this little anecdote about the 'immilimiousness' of life - I know of someone who is a strong believer; he is one of those people I know is a christian.You know - those people who practice christianity, no ifs, no buts. He got married the right way - you know, prayer, fasting, the works. Active in his local church, has a ministry to young people and singles, generally living the Christian life.
Blessed with two lovely children, has a high-paying job in an oil company but just as him and his wife were about to move their ministry to a higher level, she died.
She was in church, complaining of a headache...when she became unresponsive, they rushed her to hospital with all the prayer warriors commanding heaven...she died.
What shall we say to that? This life is 'immilimious'...
 

Abike

Well-Known Member
#45
This is another topic madam :D

Was going to add this little anecdote about the 'immilimiousness' of life - I know of someone who is a strong believer; he is one of those people I know is a christian.You know - those people who practice christianity, no ifs, no buts. He got married the right way - you know, prayer, fasting, the works. Active in his local church, has a ministry to young people and singles, generally living the Christian life.
Blessed with two lovely children, has a high-paying job in an oil company but just as him and his wife were about to move their ministry to a higher level, she died.
She was in church, complaining of a headache...when she became unresponsive, they rushed her to hospital with all the prayer warriors commanding heaven...she died.
What shall we say to that? This life is 'immilimious'...
 

barbarellanoir

Well-Known Member
#47
No one likes being second best, that's what it is. Second wife smacks of second best that's why women always say a resounding no to that question. However, if we follow SSe's logic, a lot of people are in some kind of polygamy anyway; difference being that they don't share their home with that second 'spouse'.

Again,following Sse's logic, there are a lot of marriages that will experience some kind of polygamy sadly because the foundation they are built on wasn't right. While we all wish it wasn't so, we mustn't deny the fact that people marry for all sorts of reasons excluding love and if true love meets them while they are married to another...wahala.

Oh we can all cry 'as you make your bed so you lie on it' and 'marriage is a commitment' etc etc but emotions are powerful things...think on it.

Would anyone like to be second anything -wife or husband? I don't think so but will people be second...definitely. Let's be real here.

Continuing is Sse's logic (nwanne, it's your day todaygrinning:), some marriages appear 'monogamous' because the couple don't want to divorce/separate which is understandable but in those loveless marriage, there is a second somewhere...isn't that polygamy in some form...

This marriage thing is not as straight forward as it appears...or maybe it is...maybe it's as simple as 'marry for love and nothing else' at least that will ensure a strong foundation to build everything else on...
There are women who won't DATE a married man, or one in a relationship. Those who do, may accept polygamy. I figure that if it isn't acceptable in my life as a single person, why would I embrace it, just because of the "wife" title. It just isn't that important to me. I know that when I'm to meet my God, I won't be asked, if I was a wife....what ticks me off about these topics, is that women are supposed to accept "anything" just for the wife title...It's usually disguised under the term "submission"....I call BS on all of that. Those who are okay with being a second, third, fourth wife...If you like it, I love it for you, just NOT for me. Being single isn't a death sentence folk.
 
N

noone

Guest
#48
There are women who won't DATE a married man, or one in a relationship. Those who do, may accept polygamy. I figure that if it isn't acceptable in my life as a single person, why would I embrace it, just because of the "wife" title. It just isn't that important to me. I know that when I'm to meet my God, I won't be asked, if I was a wife....what ticks me off about these topics, is that women are supposed to accept "anything" just for the wife title...It's usually disguised under the term "submission"....I call BS on all of that. Those who are okay with being a second, third, fourth wife...If you like it, I love it for you, just NOT for me. Being single isn't a death sentence folk.
Hey B,

I'm not sure if you were replying to my post or just expanding on it and adding your take on it but it's not about anyone accepting anything particularly women...it's about what is.
I agree with you that marriage is not a do-or-die affair( I believe I touched on that in one of my posts) but it will be to some people, we must accept that. The title 'Mrs' WILL also be to some people, we must accept that; some people will date married men, be second wives and husbands, we must also accept that. Yes, it might not be us, but it will be some people...that's just the reality of this life...
 

barbarellanoir

Well-Known Member
#51
Hey B,

I'm not sure if you were replying to my post or just expanding on it and adding your take on it but it's not about anyone accepting anything particularly women...it's about what is. I agree with you that marriage is not a do-or-die affair( I believe I touched on that in one of my posts) but it will be to some people, we must accept that. The title 'Mrs' WILL also be to some people, we must accept that; some people will date married men, be second wives and husbands, we must also accept that. Yes, it might not be us, but it will be some people...that's just the reality of this life...
@bolded...has me a little confused......

I have no problem with marriage being the ultimate goal for some women...There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm just stating MY position, to the "would u consider being a second wife" question...For the women who are happy with it, do you..no worries...It's not my life, and certainly not a character flaw. By the same token, those who are cool with it, should understand that not everyone's idea of marriage is the same
"marriage" is personal, and is not always summarized in terms of dollars and cents.....that is all.
 
N

noone

Guest
#52
@bolded...has me a little confused......

I have no problem with marriage being the ultimate goal for some women...There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm just stating MY position, to the "would u consider being a second wife" question...For the women who are happy with it, do you..no worries...It's not my life, and certainly not a character flaw. By the same token, those who are cool with it, should understand that not everyone's idea of marriage is the same
"marriage" is personal, and is not always summarized in terms of dollars and cents.....that is all.
Oh ok. I think what threw me off is that you quoted my post before answering so I thought you were replying to MY post; didn't quite get that you were just stating YOUR position.

No worries; it's all good!
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#53
Sighs! What has MARRIAGE turned to these days?
Abike, AIDS/HIV no get Return Policy my dear. There are so many sad tales of innocent wives and even kids who died from the AIDS randy hubbies brought home for them to develop.

REALISTICALLY, EVERY woman wants that man that would be dedicated to her for life, but WE ALL KNOW that faithful men are hard to find! Even Pastors are cheating these days! So, why deceive yourself that hubby is faithful! Give him a birthday present of Condoms, and he will get the message that you want to be safe! And NOT die because you married him. And there is Reverse Psychology to this too, shebi na ya condom hin go carry dey shine another woman congo??? Unless he is heartlessly heartless, his conscience go prick am! So, hin will be touched to either use the condom{with guilt) or simply just zip up!

Giving your husband/boyfriend a condom DOES NOT mean you are foolish, just shows you are careful! Until AIDS vaccine and cure is found, my dear, NO MAN IS WORTH MY DYING OF AIDS for! Dat's all. Better I look foolish than dead!
And if the hubby chooses to be foolish and uses the condoms I give him, [meaning he is really cheating on me], no yawa, I shall add itching powder into the condoms! And by the time the first pack is gone, I shall replace the pouch with a neatly folded divorce letter. shuo.
 

Papino

Well-Known Member
#54
Abike, AIDS/HIV no get Return Policy my dear. There are so many sad tales of innocent wives and even kids who died from the AIDS randy hubbies brought home for them to develop.

REALISTICALLY, EVERY woman wants that man that would be dedicated to her for life, but WE ALL KNOW that faithful men are hard to find! Even Pastors are cheating these days! So, why deceive yourself that hubby is faithful! Give him a birthday present of Condoms, and he will get the message that you want to be safe! And NOT die because you married him. And there is Reverse Psychology to this too, shebi na ya condom hin go carry dey shine another woman congo??? Unless he is heartlessly heartless, his conscience go prick am! So, hin will be touched to either use the condom{with guilt) or simply just zip up!

Giving your husband/boyfriend a condom DOES NOT mean you are foolish, just shows you are careful! Until AIDS vaccine and cure is found, my dear, NO MAN IS WORTH MY DYING OF AIDS for! Dat's all. Better I look foolish than dead!
And if the hubby chooses to be foolish and uses the condoms I give him, [meaning he is really cheating on me], no yawa, I shall add itching powder into the condoms! And by the time the first pack is gone, I shall replace the pouch with a neatly folded divorce letter. shuo.

Lol @Bolded!Haba Ssergit, what was the fasting and prayers for then if you will resort to substituting spiritual binding and casting with a physical one like you mentioned in the bolded?Lol..chei..wahala dey o!!
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#55
Lol @Bolded!Haba Ssergit, what was the fasting and prayers for then if you will resort to substituting spiritual binding and casting with a physical one like you mentioned in the bolded?Lol..chei..wahala dey o!!
Papino, God answers prayers AT HIS OWN time, NOT by our time table. And there are some men that need MORE THAN one day of prayer and fasting to rid them of the demons that pulls them into any and every vagina! So, what if I just started Day 1 of the prayer/fasting? And like Tam-Tam posted in an earlier thread, and perhaps that is the day hubby would meet death/AIDS, and i get revelation to put a condom in his bag? So, I should not? Haba.

I really don't know why una dey shock and surprise at my saying I would put condom in hubby's bag as if na bad thing. lolol.

I understand what you mean sha, praying should go with radical faith. I stand corrected!. I shall fire Mountain Of Fire prayers on my hubby penis! ONLY me. No woman else! :1244:

On the side, I wonder why some wives beat up their hubbies about cheating sha, women are equally involved in that tangoing! Some few good ones that choose to stay faithful would still have to battle with mamiwata women around who have itchy pants too! And would go to any extent to drag an innocent man to bed!
As there are randy cheating men, there are also randy, horny cheating nympho women all over the place!
 

samira

Well-Known Member
#56
Papino, God answers prayers AT HIS OWN time, NOT by our time table. And there are some men that need MORE THAN one day of prayer and fasting to rid them of the demons that pulls them into any and every vagina! So, what if I just started Day 1 of the prayer/fasting? And like Tam-Tam posted in an earlier thread, and perhaps that is the day hubby would meet death/AIDS, and i get revelation to put a condom in his bag? So, I should not? Haba.

I really don't know why una dey shock and surprise at my saying I would put condom in hubby's bag as if na bad thing. lolol.

I understand what you mean sha, praying should go with radical faith. I stand corrected!. I shall fire Mountain Of Fire prayers on my hubby penis! ONLY me. No woman else! :1244:

On the side, I wonder why some wives beat up their hubbies about cheating sha, women are equally involved in that tangoing! Some few good ones that choose to stay faithful would still have to battle with mamiwata women around who have itchy pants too! And would go to any extent to drag an innocent man to bed!
As there are randy cheating men, there are also randy, horny cheating nympho women all over the place!
sse, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you giving your husband a condom, nothing wrong with that. But what is the use of your effort if he does not use it? The reality of the matter here is that the fact that you have given him the condom does not mean that it is the end of the story. Do you think that these men do not know how valuable using the condom is? Do you not know that they carry it too but still do not use it? A cheater will cheat and your giving him the condom will only make him think and feel that it is ok for him to cheat as his wife does not mind.

If you want to protect yourself to that extent then sis you might as well accompany him and make use that the bobo is indeed using the condom before shining the woman's congo.
 

ssergit

..still The Drama Queen!
#57
sse, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you giving your husband a condom, nothing wrong with that. But what is the use of your effort if he does not use it? The reality of the matter here is that the fact that you have given him the condom does not mean that it is the end of the story. Do you think that these men do not know how valuable using the condom is? Do you not know that they carry it too but still do not use it? A cheater will cheat and your giving him the condom will only make him think and feel that it is ok for him to cheat as his wife does not mind.

If you want to protect yourself to that extent then sis you might as well accompany him and make use that the bobo is indeed using the condom before shining the woman's congo.
hmmmmm Samira, i see say you no like me at all. I tell you say i wan appear on CNN, na under the caption of 'Sexy, Super Designer', NO BE "Nigerian Designer tore off the penis of her Husband encased in a condom she gave him"! Haba Sista!! hah! Publicity is good publicity O, BUT, no be dis kain one! Mba! he can carry on shoun with his condom wearing self. I know Orange Prison jumpsuit would not go well with my complexion. THANK YOU! :roll

seriously sha, I get what you mean, some men just like the flesh-to-flesh thing. I dont know why AIDS does not scare some people!!! smh Even if God no fear them, AIDS nko???
 

samira

Well-Known Member
#58
hmmmmm Samira, i see say you no like me at all. I tell you say i wan appear on CNN, na under the caption of 'Sexy, Super Designer', NO BE "Nigerian Designer tore off the penis of her Husband encased in a condom she gave him"! Haba Sista!! hah! Publicity is good publicity O, BUT, no be dis kain one! Mba! he can carry on shoun with his condom wearing self. I know Orange Prison jumpsuit would not go well with my complexion. THANK YOU! :roll

seriously sha, I get what you mean, some men just like the flesh-to-flesh thing. I dont know why AIDS does not scare some people!!! smh Even if God no fear them, AIDS nko???
It has nothing to do with like sse...we don finish our fighting stages already....life is too short abi? dis one where you dey hand over condom to the bobo is a no no don't go area sis....u dey just make matter worse for yourself.

This whole matter regarding aids is a sad one. The question is how does one protect themselves from getting it through a spouse? Do you have him wear the condoms with you too?

Just the other day, a girlfriend of mine who is a nurse was telling me that she just finished working for a couple in the DC area and unbeknown to the woman, her husband has aids. My girlfriend was sent to his house for almost six weeks as his nurse.

The wife knows that he has health problems but is unaware of the extent of his illness. She just knows that the illness is related to his immune system and that is just about it. As her husband's nurse, she is not inclined to discuss the illness with his wife. Its the husband's responsibility. My girlfriend says the couple are two beautiful people.....down to earth people....really nice to her. She suspects the man is gay.

He hides all of his medication in the sofa in their family living room. That is how my girlfriend knew that the woman does not know. She his nurse knows as she gives it to him when the wife goes to work and so forth. He actually has torn part of the sofa and buried all of his pills there. The way he has the pills hidden, if you are unaware that they are there, you will never know. My friend says she quit the job because she was dying to tell the woman anonymously by sending her a letter. But she was still afraid that she will find out that it was her and she may sue her nursing agency. In the end quit the job as the woman was so nice to her and she just could not go there everyday and speak to her knowing that she is sleeping with a man with aids.
 

Beautiful_Soul

Well-Known Member
#60
There are women who won't DATE a married man, or one in a relationship. Those who do, may accept polygamy. I figure that if it isn't acceptable in my life as a single person, why would I embrace it, just because of the "wife" title. It just isn't that important to me. I know that when I'm to meet my God, I won't be asked, if I was a wife....what ticks me off about these topics, is that women are supposed to accept "anything" just for the wife title...It's usually disguised under the term "submission"....I call BS on all of that. Those who are okay with being a second, third, fourth wife...If you like it, I love it for you, just NOT for me. Being single isn't a death sentence folk.
You are right about that. Being single has not killed me. People act like it is the be all and end all. I would rather stay single that be living in a house with a another woman also called wife. Hell no!
 
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