Behind Closed Doors
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blackbutterfly
Well-Known Member
moviefan said:
CHINEKE, I thought it was only meeeeeeeeeeee. The man cannot swim but he constantly finds himself in somebody's pool floundering like a fish on land. My God. He's done this before in another of Lancelot Imasuen directed project - Games Women Play. I don't know why the director keeps allowing him to embarass himself like that... the first thing I said when I saw that scene was "oh no, not again!!!"
blackbutterfly
Well-Known Member
Oga, Vince..good job...here is my contribution
Like i have mentioned earlier about the plot of this movie here,the whole drama was built on a very weak foundation due to the fact that not enough conflict elements were incorporated into the early part of the story to truly validate all the dramas that followed.
The result being the dramatic moments coming out looking and feeling unconvincing and unmotivated.
If the script had been brought to me to rewrite,i would've done the following;
-Turn RMD's xter into a villain together with the mother.
Vin, I actually like the mother being a peacemaker - she is the only balanced person. I would tone down her christian zealot a bit...it was a little too much.
-Accentuate from the start that the eldest son is the most favoured and loved by the remaining parent(the mother).
ABSOLUTELY. That came way too late in the script. The brothers should not have been a close as they were portrayed. The subtext of a relationship not exactly as it appears should have been played up more by the actors and supported by the script.
-Make known explicitly the fervent desire of the mother to do something about the threat to the family lineage because of the sterility of the younger son Oasis and the refusal of the eldest son to get married.
-She puts pressure on the eldest son to get married to father a son,but he will only agree if the mother will play along so that he can sleep with and eventually take over his younger bro's wife.The mother refuses initially,but he threatens refusal to get married and bear a son unless she plays along.The mother caves in.To her the continuation of the lineage is all that matters to her.
I think this muddles up the whole thing. Phil can have had this idea already in his head, he doesn't need his mother to execute just an opportunity. She might favor one son over the other but I don't think she hates Oasis. Like I said, I would like for the mother to remain the most balance person. We've seen Patience in enough wicked mother in law roles that I wouldn't want to marry her son in real life for fear she might actually demonstrate her screen abilities in life. Having said that mouthful, I liked that the mother was shocked at what happened and I liked that she fought to keep her family together. She can put the pressure on him to marry like a normal Nigerian mother would do but NOT towards the sister-in-law...aren't there enough women in this damn town? He can use her pressuring him as sanction to take out his sick twisted fantasy. And besides, this wouldn't work for a woman who is written to be a born again christian. When busted Phil could actually blame her for putting the idea in his head to find a woman to father a kid.
-The terminal cancer plan is then born
We make sister-in-law a nurse. Phil offers her a job to be his personal nurse which is the perfect setting for Phil to execute his plan to sleep with her and also appease his mother in a sick twisted way if she gets pregnant. The love making/pregnancy should happen earlier in his diagnosis - when he still has strength NOT when he's almost at death's door like in the movie. He takes advantage of her by playing up his sickness and playing upon compassionate/empathetical nature.
-After the wife is impregnated by the eldest bro,Oasis is still not happy but is resigned to fate,finding consolation in the fact that he has done something good and important for the survival of his family lineage.
When he finds out she's pregnant...its not him then WHO? He doesn't resign to any fate...we need to stop making him so WEAK. He investigates. He shadows her every move, questions her background singers, then he lands on the answer: his brother who is better looking, taller and richer. That is enough to drive anyone mad. That can explain why he loses it. He needs a QUIET STRENGTH.
-Then comes the miraculous recovery of the eldest bro soon after!
NO, HE MUST DIE!!! No way. THIS ENDING IS TOO CLEAN. In which life? Life is not that neat...its not a nice packaged, wrapped with a lovely bow at the end. Or give him some other illness because Lung Cancer is the fastest spreading cancer and it metasizes in no time...I don't know who they wanted to believe that mess but NO!
-Oasis becomes very suspicious about this and smells foulplay.He begins to quietly investigate.
We agree - see above
-Oasis discovers the truth as his eldest bro and his mother are moving into gear to take his wife from him and all hell breaks loose!
We agree except I say leave out the mother.
Now the drama can begin,especially with Oasis accusing his wife of complicity in the plot.The plot can go anywhere from there.
It is not a perfect plot but it offers a better and more solid foundation for the drama that ensued in the latter part of the story.
Like i have mentioned earlier about the plot of this movie here,the whole drama was built on a very weak foundation due to the fact that not enough conflict elements were incorporated into the early part of the story to truly validate all the dramas that followed.
The result being the dramatic moments coming out looking and feeling unconvincing and unmotivated.
If the script had been brought to me to rewrite,i would've done the following;
-Turn RMD's xter into a villain together with the mother.
Vin, I actually like the mother being a peacemaker - she is the only balanced person. I would tone down her christian zealot a bit...it was a little too much.
-Accentuate from the start that the eldest son is the most favoured and loved by the remaining parent(the mother).
ABSOLUTELY. That came way too late in the script. The brothers should not have been a close as they were portrayed. The subtext of a relationship not exactly as it appears should have been played up more by the actors and supported by the script.
-Make known explicitly the fervent desire of the mother to do something about the threat to the family lineage because of the sterility of the younger son Oasis and the refusal of the eldest son to get married.
-She puts pressure on the eldest son to get married to father a son,but he will only agree if the mother will play along so that he can sleep with and eventually take over his younger bro's wife.The mother refuses initially,but he threatens refusal to get married and bear a son unless she plays along.The mother caves in.To her the continuation of the lineage is all that matters to her.
I think this muddles up the whole thing. Phil can have had this idea already in his head, he doesn't need his mother to execute just an opportunity. She might favor one son over the other but I don't think she hates Oasis. Like I said, I would like for the mother to remain the most balance person. We've seen Patience in enough wicked mother in law roles that I wouldn't want to marry her son in real life for fear she might actually demonstrate her screen abilities in life. Having said that mouthful, I liked that the mother was shocked at what happened and I liked that she fought to keep her family together. She can put the pressure on him to marry like a normal Nigerian mother would do but NOT towards the sister-in-law...aren't there enough women in this damn town? He can use her pressuring him as sanction to take out his sick twisted fantasy. And besides, this wouldn't work for a woman who is written to be a born again christian. When busted Phil could actually blame her for putting the idea in his head to find a woman to father a kid.
-The terminal cancer plan is then born
We make sister-in-law a nurse. Phil offers her a job to be his personal nurse which is the perfect setting for Phil to execute his plan to sleep with her and also appease his mother in a sick twisted way if she gets pregnant. The love making/pregnancy should happen earlier in his diagnosis - when he still has strength NOT when he's almost at death's door like in the movie. He takes advantage of her by playing up his sickness and playing upon compassionate/empathetical nature.
-After the wife is impregnated by the eldest bro,Oasis is still not happy but is resigned to fate,finding consolation in the fact that he has done something good and important for the survival of his family lineage.
When he finds out she's pregnant...its not him then WHO? He doesn't resign to any fate...we need to stop making him so WEAK. He investigates. He shadows her every move, questions her background singers, then he lands on the answer: his brother who is better looking, taller and richer. That is enough to drive anyone mad. That can explain why he loses it. He needs a QUIET STRENGTH.
-Then comes the miraculous recovery of the eldest bro soon after!
NO, HE MUST DIE!!! No way. THIS ENDING IS TOO CLEAN. In which life? Life is not that neat...its not a nice packaged, wrapped with a lovely bow at the end. Or give him some other illness because Lung Cancer is the fastest spreading cancer and it metasizes in no time...I don't know who they wanted to believe that mess but NO!
-Oasis becomes very suspicious about this and smells foulplay.He begins to quietly investigate.
We agree - see above
-Oasis discovers the truth as his eldest bro and his mother are moving into gear to take his wife from him and all hell breaks loose!
We agree except I say leave out the mother.
Now the drama can begin,especially with Oasis accusing his wife of complicity in the plot.The plot can go anywhere from there.
It is not a perfect plot but it offers a better and more solid foundation for the drama that ensued in the latter part of the story.
bLack butterfly - Seriously I think you need to take this script writing seriously - I will support you. You got skills and i am very impressed. Lets hope Emem stumbbles over this thread.
I dont know why nigerian movies cant come out with better plots like yours.
If you dont mind me asking , what are your favorite movies that you think was very good up to par with not much critique. I am very curious to know. Who is your favorite Nollywood screenwriter or producer
I dont know why nigerian movies cant come out with better plots like yours.
If you dont mind me asking , what are your favorite movies that you think was very good up to par with not much critique. I am very curious to know. Who is your favorite Nollywood screenwriter or producer
vince
Well-Known Member
blackbutterfly said:
BB,i agree to an extent your own version up to the mother.If the story is to be dramatically strong enough,then we will need more than just one villain.If there is anyone who i would choose to be level headed and balanced,then it would be SDA's xter and not the mother.And i would leave out the born again element from the plot entirely,or give it to SDA's xter.The idea of any peacemaker amongst these protagonists weakens the plot somewhat.If there has to be a peacemaker,then it would be better if it comes from outside,appearing later in the plot.
We do see things fundermentally different here because i prefer the mother being villainous also.I wouldn't paint her as a born again xtian but a very strongwilled and influential family matriarch who is faced with an impending threat to the family lineage and will do anything to remove that threat.It is much better for the plot that way.Gives it more impetus to intrigue that will result in all the dramas that ensues later.It doesn't matter to me if Ozokwor has been playing too many negative roles in the past.That is of no importance to me as far as the plot is concerned.As for Phil not needing her permission,yes i think he should.As the mother putting him under pressure,he has to bring her in on the dastardly deed he has in mind,her support.blackbutterfly said:
As for hating Oasis,she does not have to.She just love one a lot more than the other.
Now this murdles up things a bit here.The way your idea goes means changing the entire script,which i definitely do not think is necessary.blackbutterfly said:
What about the part where Phil makes Oasis the offer?That would have to be removed from the plot.
Oasis having to convince his wife would have to go too ,along with the fact that she has to sleep with Phil fully aware of what is at stake and what she is about to do will have to go too.This in my own opinion removes way too much of intrigue from the plot.No i would leave those parts of the plot alone as they were.They work better for me that way.
Ofcourse he should die,eventually,but not at that point.Remember that we are still in the middle of the plot.The story is just actually hotting up at this point.blackbutterfly said:
Sorry,i can't do that,BB.I love her to be villainous! :biggrinsablackbutterfly said:
blackbutterfly
Well-Known Member
Atlakos said:
Atlakos, thanks for the compliment. I am looking into writing but for my own pleasure and as an exercise of my skills at the moments. I think of myself more like a dramaturg in regards to Nigerian films. I do hope Emem comes along and reads some of what was written about her four best works: Emotional Crack, Critical Decision, Games Women Play and Behind Closed Doors and takes some of it into account. I don't hold much hope of that happening because (1) she's extremely busy and also our folks are not very good at taking criticism sometimes...not her in particular but in general. We don't like when we do something and somone comes in with a better twist. We see it as an insult on our intelligence, a blow to our pride.
My favorite screenwriters are Tchidi C. and Emem I. They try very hard to give our stories a modern day twist and intrigue...it may not always be very original but its some of the best stories to come out of Nollywood.
As per films that were up to par without having any criticism levies against it...I can't honestly think of any. That's something to mull over.
blackbutterfly
Well-Known Member
Vince, one villain is good enough and if the script is strong enough he can be the master puppeteer who pulls everyone else's strings and makes them do his dirty deeds. I think you are used to seeing Patience Ozokwor in those roles and you think that is what was amiss and I disagree. Anyway, we will agree to disagree on that point=
Ladi said:
Oh thanks for the response. But i already own it now. I live in Atl- Duluth (Gwinnett County) and i have found this new naija woman with african store in Lilburn who supplies me. Thanks anyway.
She gets her movies quite late though (like a month late) so i'mo have to switch on her go someplace else. I like movies i can get a hold on IMMEDIATELy they are released in naija (like now more that 2 weeks) - I'm quite impatience when it comes to my naija movies. send me a message with the marietta places, i will check it out next time i hit the 75 area - bit of a distance but i will try when i am desperate..
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