Single Parenting

[maria2004]

Fam, I need uplifting. I am a single parent of a 12yr old. No support system. The family I have here have no kids, and live the high life. How do you direct a child who is not misbehaving but maybe LAZY in the African sense of does not help around the house no matter how you train them, and you have to keep repeating yourself. Next to taking the child for testing, how else can I navigate? It is a daughter.

Maybe single parents out there can chime in.

I am just tired.

we are in the USA, and you know how that goes............ fast, fast, pace of life.

 

[Sola]

Ah, you can't get tired o. If you are tired, who will do the job of supervising the child? Abeg o.

That aside, this sort of thing should have started early. I'm hoping you did start giving her little responsibilities around the house at a much younger age. It is these early 'jobs' that will become bigger ones as they age. Even at that, you can still start with the small stuff, even at her age. Try doing things together, instead of letting her go it alone. Kids at that age are naturally lazy and reluctant to do anything. My girl is going to be 12 this year and has to be reminded/pushed to do her chores. Being a single parent makes it harder because the time you could have spent doing a lot of things together has to be invested in work, but you do the little you can one day at a time. Just keep at it. They will get it eventually.

And if you think something is amiss that may require professional help, don't even think twice before getting it. Better to catch whatever it may be early and deal with it than be sorry later. Ndo. It is well.

 

[maria2004]

Sola, thanks. I needed to hear that. I have to tell her one thing 3 or 4 times. Before I get a reaction. Strange she will wake up going to do what I sent her to do, then she will get sidetracked. I have told her I am not a tape recorder or whatever kids are playing these days. And you are right, being a single parent my hours in the day are so limited especially when we get home after school. She was better at chores before but now she is slower, so I end up doing stuff myself to avoid a pile up. I guess I need to stop that. I am doing research to get a place to get her checked. I don't want to ask her school counselor because if it is in their records, then I am allowing them to start building a "database" on her which could later come back to bite her. She is a good student, is respectful, but this LAZINESS. I am also realizing that because I get irritated at repeating myself, it is making her irritable too. I need to find a middle ground because I am starting to dread dealing with her. (Times like this I really miss the extensive family system back home.)

 

[Thickmadam]

@maria2004 , it is not easy to raise kids in this country (or anywhere for that matter) and especially being a single parent.
@Sola has said mostly everything.
Keep talking to her, and probably give her incentives. Does she get an allowance?
Maybe this is part of the growing up years? My friend's daughter turned 13 and became hell on wheels, but with talking to her and figuring out a way to reach her, she turned around.
Yes please! Counseling is a good idea. Most jobs that offer insurance have a mental health package, and sometimes even offer you two or three free sessions.
Call them and find out.
Sometimes it helps the kids to talk to a NEUTRAL third party.
I understand what you mean about your irritation making her irritable too. We had to catch ourselves with our 9 year old. sometimes my inclination is to start yelling at him, then he gets riled up, I've learned to turn it down a notch and maintain my calm. I can get the same point across in a calm voice rather than yelling. lol.
have you tried talking to her? just her and mummy, sit down and have a heart to heart? in a calm conversation?
Hang in there and goodluck.

 

[Abike]

Mariamama - single parents are heroes in my eyes...so the only thing I can say is, dont doubt that you're doing a good/great job ok? You're doing well! Your child loves you and will appreciate you later in life for all you're instilling in him/her now....

As a new parent, omo, I'm still learning every second of the day what parenting is all about, and my heart really goes out to you...pls keep your head up, and dont forget all that has been said above!

xx